|
why dont you diet ? 3/22/2024
fat guy in locker room shower and guy walks in and asks. "how
long since you seen your dick " fat guy says ... long time guy says "why dont you diet ? fat guy says " why what color is it now ? <br><br>
<br><br>
please comment
0 Comments,
29 Views,
20 Votes
|
|
The Engagement Ring 3/22/2024
The kinky couples had a long & restless weekend, husband
uses his free hand & pushes his wife's belly in
ward, he said ... "Don't move my love ... I think
I found our engagement ring"... he pulls his wrist
out of her ass... curious, he then said... "This isn't
mine".
0 Comments,
14 Views,
6 Votes
,0.52 Score
|
|
toliet paper ............... 3/21/2024
this rabbit is sitting under a tree taking his morning dump
and along walks a big bear and leans against the tree and
the little rabbit is so scared that he is clinched up too tight to squeeze one out
the bear notices him and says morning rabbit to which the
rabbit replies m m morning mr bear while trying his best to finish and run
away <br><br>
the bear grunts a couple times and ...
0 Comments,
3 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Date Site Descriptions 2/18/2024
You might find this amusing. Dating Site Deriptions
What they Really MEAN: !!!! <br><br>
Female: Adventurous = puts the book down during sex, .
Athletic = No breasts, 30 something = 41, Fun =Annoying,
Wild = gets pissed easily, Beautiful eyes = face like a robbers
dog, Seeks knight in sinning armour = Ex is a fxxxing nutter.,
New age = hairy and smelly bits, A bit head strong ...
1 Comments,
21 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
|
|
I like my women like I like my coffee 2/11/2024
I send it back for not being hot enough!
1 Comments,
28 Views,
23 Votes
|
|
What's the difference? 1/12/2024
What's the difference between an oral thermometer
and a rectal thermometer? <br><br>
The taste.
1 Comments,
34 Views,
24 Votes
,1.77 Score
|
|
Sex Tape 1/12/2024
My neighbours just made a sex tape. of course, they don't
know yet.
1 Comments,
128 Views,
110 Votes
|
|
Give it to me! 1/12/2024
"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm
so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she
wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
2 Comments,
150 Views,
126 Votes
|
|
guaranteed weight loss 9/4/2023
man walking down the street and sees a sign that says guaranteed
weight loss. <br><br>
he goes inside and sees a real beauty at the desk and asks
about the sign and she explains. pay 100.00 and we guarantee 10lbs weight loss in one day.
excited he pays her the money and she instructs him to strip
off his clothes and go into the room with the green door.
inside he finds the most ...
3 Comments,
102 Views,
33 Votes
,1.04 Score
|
|
joke 8/20/2023
question what's better than a dozen roses on a piano
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
answer tulips (two lips) on an organ
1 Comments,
34 Views,
30 Votes
|
|
ignore please :P 6/28/2023
taco butt
10 Comments,
369 Views,
301 Votes
,0.28 Score
|
|
The Biker 5/25/2023
A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach
when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming
voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be
faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish. <br><br>
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to
Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want." <br><br>
The Lord said, ...
1 Comments,
75 Views,
32 Votes
,0.71 Score
|
|
Miracle Cure 5/7/2023
NEW - Miracle Cure!!!
• Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
• Do you suffer from shyness?
• Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor
or pharmacist about White Wine.
White Wine is the safe, natural way to feel better and more
confident ...
1 Comments,
13 Views,
3 Votes
,0.49 Score
|
|
Gas Prices in Paris - Tres Bien! 5/7/2023
A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the
Louvre. <br><br>
After careful planning, he got past security, stole the
paintings, and made it safely to his van. Only two blocks
away, however, he was captured when his van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then
make such an obvious error, he replied, "Monsieur,
that is the reason I ...
0 Comments,
18 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
|
|
THE HORTH WITHPERER 5/4/2023
Bob calls his buddy Sam, the rancher, and says he's
sending a friend over to look at a . Sam asks "How
will I recognize him?" "That's easy, he's a midget with a speech
impediment." So, the midget shows up, and Sam asks him if he's looking
for a male or female . "A female horth." So he shows him a prized filly. "Nith lookin horth. Can I ...
2 Comments,
39 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
|
Files Her Tax Return 5/4/2023
A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells
him that she needs to file her taxes. <br><br>
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll
need to ask a few questions." He gets her name, address,
social security number, and then asks, "What is your
occupation?" The woman replies, "I'm
a ." The accountant balks and says, "No,
no, no. ...
7 Comments,
105 Views,
16 Votes
,4.74 Score
|
|
Getting The Most Out Of Counselling 5/4/2023
After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant
arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way
to save their marriage was to try counselling. They had
been at each other's throat for some time and felt that
this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counsellor's office, the
counsellor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.
"What seems to be ...
2 Comments,
38 Views,
8 Votes
,2.32 Score
|
|
Get well soon! 5/4/2023
A traffic cop was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed
appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well;
however, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs
in his crotch. <br><br>
Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors
hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital
gown up enough so he could look at ...
4 Comments,
92 Views,
13 Votes
,4.65 Score
|
|
Sperm 4/19/2023
Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong
sock this morning.
1 Comments,
153 Views,
138 Votes
|
|
How do you piss off Whinney The Pooh? 4/19/2023
Stick two fingers in his honey
...
1 Comments,
85 Views,
67 Votes
|
|
Succeed 4/9/2023
If at first you don't succeed, keep on sucking until
you do suck seed.
0 Comments,
168 Views,
150 Votes
|
|
Mobster joke 2/11/2023
What do you call a mobster who’s buried in cement? A hardened
criminal.
1 Comments,
152 Views,
139 Votes
|
|
just coz 12/31/2022
ignore this plz..
1 Comments,
52 Views,
41 Votes
,0.33 Score
|
|
WELL, I'LL BE GONE 12/21/2022
A guy walks into a bar with his and says, "I'll
have a otch and water and my would like a whiskey sour."
<br><br>
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't allow animals
in here." <br><br>
The replies, "Hey, I'm tired of being diriminated
against. Just give me a drink." <br><br>
The bartender says, "Oh, no, not another ...
1 Comments,
45 Views,
8 Votes
,3.94 Score
|
|
Math class 12/20/2022
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't
paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three
ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are
left?" <br><br>
Johnny says, "None." <br><br>
The teacher asks, "Why?" <br><br>
Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." ...
1 Comments,
19 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
|
|
hmm 12/20/2022
for points bcoz im poor
4 Comments,
142 Views,
115 Votes
,0.08 Score
|
|
Fishing 12/19/2022
Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish,
and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
1 Comments,
177 Views,
153 Votes
|
|
Confronting hate 10/2/2022
hi-speed lead posioning is needed. What is the difference
between flying pigs and politicians? The letter F. Three
tampons sitting at a bus stop. What do they say to each other?
Nothing. They’re stuck-up cunts. All the richest people in Congress are Democrats, ever
wonder why?
2 Comments,
79 Views,
54 Votes
,0.08 Score
|
|
points 10/2/2022
just for points
1 Comments,
111 Views,
102 Votes
|
|
A common theme 9/26/2022
I see a lot of posts for points
1 Comments,
132 Views,
121 Votes
|
|
Easter 9/8/2022
Why did Jesus die on the cross? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > He forgot his safe word!
5 Comments,
108 Views,
8 Votes
,2.78 Score
|
|
A laughting motorcycle 8/23/2022
What do you call a laughting motorcycle? <br><br>
A Yamahahaha
5 Comments,
213 Views,
183 Votes
|
|
A common theme 8/23/2022
I see a lot of posts for points
2 Comments,
97 Views,
85 Votes
|
|
Any funny Sex Stories 1/26/2022
Anyone love to share something funny that has occurred
in bed?
2 Comments,
159 Views,
140 Votes
|
|
A joke is a short humorous piece of oral literature in which the funniness culminates in the final s 1/7/2022
A joke is a short humorous piece of oral literature in which
the funniness culminates in the final sentence, called
the punchline… In fact, the main condition is that the
tension should reach its highest level at the very end.
No continuation relieving the tension should be added.
As for its being "oral, " it is true that jokes
may appear printed, but when further transferred, there ...
5 Comments,
50 Views,
18 Votes
,4.08 Score
|
|
Airplanes 1/7/2022
I have a joke about airplanes, but it seems to go over peoples
heads.
2 Comments,
169 Views,
151 Votes
|
|
Canine quarantine 12/28/2021
The World Health Organization, W.H.O., is concerned that
the new virus will spread to dogs. Therefore they have ordered
all dogs worldwide to be quarantined for 14 to keep dogs
safe from the new covid virus. 15 days from now you can release your out of quarantine,
and then you can sing "W.H.O. let the dogs out?"
6 Comments,
124 Views,
103 Votes
|
|
Mask-cott 10/25/2021
If we boycott the mask mandates, can we that a "Mask-cott"?
2 Comments,
155 Views,
140 Votes
|
|
Bad dad joke 9/27/2021
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man
on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire!
4 Comments,
142 Views,
123 Votes
|
|
blonde school teacher 8/29/2021
a young blonde school teacher was trying to make her students
understand blood circulation. after going over what the books said a couple of times she
realized it was going to take more effort on her part to make
them understand. since she was wearing pants she stood
on her head against the wall for couple minutes. then she
asked a couple of students to come up and make observations.
one of them ...
2 Comments,
215 Views,
110 Votes
,0.26 Score
|
|
kinsey 8/29/2021
Anyone else old enough remember the movie ""?
They claimed Revel's Bolero was THE choice in banging
music. Awhile later Kinsey did A study and OMG Bolero was
America's choice. Incredibly enough for Gay Men their
choice was also a classical piece the "William Bend
Overture".
4 Comments,
254 Views,
223 Votes
,0.05 Score
|
|
Vaccine joke 8/29/2021
If we get our Covid vaccine shot in our butt, can we call that
shot a "Butta-Fauci?"
3 Comments,
173 Views,
158 Votes
|
|
bad joke 8/29/2021
man walks into a bar.... ouch!
2 Comments,
169 Views,
136 Votes
|
|
Canadian joke 6/14/2021
How do you upset a Canadian? In conversation, say "oh, you meant ice
hockey."
9 Comments,
300 Views,
238 Votes
,0.49 Score
|
|
The doctor is in 4/30/2021
Knock knock
5 Comments,
65 Views,
37 Votes
,1.04 Score
|
|
Why? 4/28/2021
Why do women wake up and rub their eyes? <br><br>
Because they don't have any balls to scratch.
6 Comments,
280 Views,
231 Votes
,0.73 Score
|
|
How many good people 2/21/2021
Does it take to find
4 Comments,
245 Views,
197 Votes
,0.28 Score
|
|
Ladies and Gentlemen 2/2/2021
I give you all. <br><br>
Joke ends
1 Comments,
59 Views,
48 Votes
|
|
Dirty jokes 1/24/2021
Anyone have good dirty jokes to share? lol
2 Comments,
85 Views,
71 Votes
|
|
Making jokes of others 01 8/23/2020
Telling jokes so every one laughs is one thing, making fun
of someone is another. Making something thats funny a joke is something else than
making him a joke ! ty
3 Comments,
194 Views,
177 Votes
,0.63 Score
|
|
Hunting Season 6/29/2020
A father goes hunting for some deer and he nails a beautiful
1o point buck butt does a bad job cleaning the meat when he
makes it for dinner. His wife comes by later and says "Dear
I was masturbating and I found a pellet." He thinks
nothing of it and tell her not to worry about it. Later his
comes by says she got horny and found a pellet when
she tried to fuck herself. He thinks ...
3 Comments,
275 Views,
155 Votes
,1.37 Score
|
|
A dad joke 6/12/2020
Did you hear about the Victoria's secret in Canada?
They are thinking of changing their name to 'Panty
Hosers'.
5 Comments,
176 Views,
144 Votes
,1.06 Score
|
|
Making jokes of others 02 4/17/2020
I can imagine why some people make jokes of others.... Bottom line is that most of them have low self-esteem. What do u think ?
1 Comments,
184 Views,
166 Votes
,0.55 Score
|
|
How Many? 3/19/2020
How many guitarists does it take change a light bulb?
<br><br>
. change it and 10 sit around and say, "I
could have changed that way better!"
1 Comments,
97 Views,
86 Votes
,1.66 Score
|
|
... dad joke ... 3/6/2020
"How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie
in it!"
1 Comments,
56 Views,
49 Votes
,0.57 Score
|
|
Small get together 1/23/2020
: There will be a small gathering in the school tomorrow. Please come.
Dad: What do you mean? Who will be there?
: Only you, me, and the school principal.
3 Comments,
116 Views,
12 Votes
,3.33 Score
|
|
Blonde Painting 1/23/2020
One day a blonde comes out of the tanning salon. She wants
to make some money so she goes to one of the rich neighborhoods.
She rings the door bell and says, "HI, is there anything I could do for
your house or you???" <br><br>
The man thinks and says, "Sure, can paint my porch.
You will find all the stuff in the garage." <br><br>
The girl says, ...
2 Comments,
37 Views,
7 Votes
,3.80 Score
|
|
My First Time 1/23/2020
It was my first time ever And I'll never forget I'd do it again Without a single regret. <br><br>
The sky was dark The moon was high We were all alone Just she and I. <br><br>
Her hair was soft Her eyes were blue I knew just what She wanted to do. <br><br>
Her skin so soft Her legs so fine I ran my fingers Down her spine. <br><br>
I ...
3 Comments,
35 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score
|
|
The Golfer and the Leprechaun. 1/23/2020
An American golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive
into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun
flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's
ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle
from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving
him. "Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked.
"I'm afraid I hit you ...
1 Comments,
37 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
|
|
Confession 1/23/2020
An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini,
Italy, went to the local church for confession. <br><br>
When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional,
The man said: 'Father ... During World War II, a beautiful
Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to
hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.' ...
2 Comments,
49 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
|
|
reposession 1/23/2020
A guy a work always wrote a check to his ex wife first before
making a boat payment rent or even buying groceries. We
all kidded him about it and said boy that must be some good
pussy to want to get it back that bad. We watched every friday
at lunch he'd sit down and write her a check and he would
leave straight from work and take it right to her. I sort of felt sorry for the guy taking so much ...
3 Comments,
133 Views,
10 Votes
,3.78 Score
|
|
Tattoo 1/16/2020
A very tall man walks into a bar, and a lady recognizes him
as a basketball player. They start to talk, and eventually,
go back to his place. They start to kiss, and the man takes
off his shirt. On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK.
'What's that?' the lady questions. 'Oh, I have this so that when I'm on TV, people will
see my tattoo, and Reebok pays me.' ...
3 Comments,
81 Views,
15 Votes
,4.82 Score
|
|
Barred 1/8/2020
walks into a bar. <br><br>
Barman:- "why the long face?" <br><br>
(:- "Haven't got enough points to chat
to someone...")
3 Comments,
22 Views,
14 Votes
,1.54 Score
|
|
Dad Joke... 1/8/2020
What’s Beethoven doing in his grave... <br><br>
De-composing
2 Comments,
17 Views,
13 Votes
,1.30 Score
|
|
Hoping to make a good point..... 1/8/2020
<br><br>
. <br><br>
. <br><br>
<br><br>
. <br><br>
. <br><br>
. <br><br>
. <br><br>
. .... or 2 or 3.
2 Comments,
20 Views,
12 Votes
,0.86 Score
|
|
Barred2 1/3/2020
Bear walks into a bar. <br><br>
Bear:- "one pint of ..........................
beer please" <br><br>
Barman:- "why the long pause?" <br><br>
(Bear:- "waiting for more points")
2 Comments,
33 Views,
25 Votes
,1.47 Score
|
|
What goes up, and never comes down?.......................... 12/23/2019
<br><br>
. <br><br>
. <br><br>
. <br><br>
. <br><br>
. ..... the amount of points needed to chat to someone on IM!!
3 Comments,
12 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score
|
|
pirate pay 12/5/2019
how much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook? an arm and a leg.
2 Comments,
13 Views,
10 Votes
,2.19 Score
|
|
corner warmup 11/29/2019
why should you sit in a corner when you get cold? because most corners are 90 degrees.
2 Comments,
16 Views,
9 Votes
,2.57 Score
|
|
cheesy joke.... 11/14/2019
Where did you learn how to make ice cream? At sundae school.
2 Comments,
8 Views,
6 Votes
,1.94 Score
|
|
watching 11/12/2019
watching drunk bitches get drunk and start to fight and
watching them fight is funny
0 Comments,
7 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
|
|
Chuck Norris 10/27/2019
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he already
had three missed calls by Chuck Norris!
2 Comments,
12 Views,
7 Votes
,2.02 Score
|
|
dad joke.... 10/26/2019
"Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then
it would be a foot."
1 Comments,
6 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
|
|
How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do? 10/26/2019
How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do? <br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
... all! hahahah!
1 Comments,
13 Views,
9 Votes
,1.29 Score
|
|
make your point 10/20/2019
Hoping to make lots of points here.
1 Comments,
6 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
|
|
Points 10/20/2019
Hey there, points points points.
2 Comments,
12 Views,
6 Votes
,1.37 Score
|
|
looking at you 10/14/2019
looking for a woman here can be very hard because all they
want is what they prefer there wants most of the ladies
here don;t even realize that they are way off on there wants
there nothing here that is perfect you want all that tell
we see your picture and we see that your fucking joking ladies
wake up this is not fantasy world your not everything you
though you where believe most men here at ...
0 Comments,
16 Views,
9 Votes
,1.29 Score
|
|
Knock Knock 9/7/2019
whos there ?
3 Comments,
26 Views,
11 Votes
,0.92 Score
|
|
Good Ears 8/16/2019
A young man moved into his first new apartment on his own,
and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While
there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment
next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe. The boy smiled at
the young woman and she started a conversation with him.
As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious
that she had nothing else on. The poor broke into ...
1 Comments,
45 Views,
7 Votes
,4.06 Score
|
|
Born When? 6/21/2019
I was chatting to this girl in the pub last night and told
her of my uncanny ability to be able to tell the day any woman
was born, simply by holding their breasts in my hands. <br><br>
She thought I was having her on but was nonetheless very
curious. <br><br>
Eventually curiosity got the better of her and she said
“Oh go-on then, give it a go!” <br><br>
I ...
3 Comments,
58 Views,
10 Votes
,3.39 Score
|
|
I always laugth on this 6/21/2019
This reminds me, when i was tied up by the first time, and
suddenly I had to go to the bathroom, but I couldn't
6 Comments,
118 Views,
22 Votes
,6.37 Score
|
|
Affair 5/25/2019
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her
husband is having
an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The
next day she
comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead.
She grabs
the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out
of bed,
begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically
the
blonde responds to ...
1 Comments,
68 Views,
41 Votes
,7.00 Score
|
|
The Drinking Irishmen 5/25/2019
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints
of Guinness
and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each
on in turn.
When he finished them, he comes back into to the bar and orders
three more.
<br>
The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat
after I draw it; it
would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The Irishman replies, "Well, ...
1 Comments,
68 Views,
52 Votes
,7.70 Score
|
|
Organist 4/5/2019
A small church had a very attractive big- busted organist
and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled
while she played the organ. <br><br>
Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation. The
very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something
had to be done about this or they would have to get another
organist. <br><br>
<br><br>
So, one ...
1 Comments,
47 Views,
11 Votes
,5.04 Score
|
|
ER Visit 1/24/2019
A man goes into the ER complaining of anal pain. The doctor
orders x-rays to see what's going on. When reviewing
the x-rays they notice 3 plastic heads inside the
man's ass. The nurse looks at the doctor and says...
<br><br>
"Doctor, will he be alright?" <br><br>
The doctor replies.... <br><br>
"Don't worry nurse he's ...
1 Comments,
28 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
|
|
Crumbled Money/// 12/23/2018
While enjoying their evening cocktails, the wife asks
her husband, in a very seductive voice, "Have you
ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?" "No, "
said her husband. <br><br>
She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or
4 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the
cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and pulled
out a ...
1 Comments,
32 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
|
|
Teacher Arrested 11/5/2018
Teacher Arrested
A public school teacher was arrested today at Heathrow
International airport as he attempted to board a flight
while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass,
a slide-rule and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Theresa May said she believes
the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.
she did not identify the man, ...
1 Comments,
19 Views,
4 Votes
,5.19 Score
|
|
The Statues... 10/30/2018
A statue of a naked woman and a naked man stand in a park at
night. Suddenly from out of nowhere, a magical genie arrives
and grants the statues each one wish to be fulfilled. Both
the female and male statues agree on 15 minutes as a real
man and woman in the bushes behind them to "get things
done." The genie gives a knowing grin and grants the
wish. The man and woman immediately jump behind the ...
2 Comments,
76 Views,
8 Votes
,2.55 Score
|
|
Honeymoon Parrot 10/25/2018
A honeymooning couple had purchased a talking parrot and
taken it to their
room, where much to the groom's annoyance, the bird
kept up a running
commentary on their love-making.
Finally the groom threw a large towel over the cage and threatened
to
give the parrot to the zoo if he didn't quit it.
<br>
The next morning, packing to return home, the couple couldn't
close a
...
1 Comments,
78 Views,
76 Votes
,7.73 Score
|
|
My Travel Plans for 2018-2019 10/18/2018
I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots.
Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots
with someone. <br><br>
I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes
you there. <br><br>
I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport;
you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there,
thanks to my , ...
1 Comments,
23 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
|
|
All idiot 10/16/2018
Teacher: All idiots stand up.
A boy stands up.
Teacher: So you are an idiot?
Boy: No. I can’t bear your standing alone Sir.
3 Comments,
91 Views,
10 Votes
,5.18 Score
|
|
AN OVERWEIGHT BLONDE 10/13/2018
An overweight blonde went to see her doctor for some advice.
The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty
days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty
pounds. <br><br>
The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after
thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed
lost the whole twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and
thanked him for ...
1 Comments,
41 Views,
14 Votes
,3.94 Score
|
|
A Drunk 10/13/2018
A drunk walks out of a bar with akey in his hand and he is stumbling
back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, 'Can I help
you Sir?' 'Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr', the man
replies. The cop asks, 'Where was your car the last time you saw
it?' 'It wasss on the end of thisshh key', the man replies.
About that time the cop looks down ...
1 Comments,
38 Views,
10 Votes
,4.98 Score
|
|
Three Little Pigs 10/12/2018
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter
came and took their drink order. <br><br>
'I would like a Sprite, ' said the first little
piggy. <br><br>
<br><br>
! 'I would like a Coke, ' said the second little
piggy. <br><br>
'I want beer, lots and lots of beer, ' said the
third little piggy. ...
3 Comments,
32 Views,
6 Votes
,2.23 Score
|
|
Flowers 9/5/2018
One sunny day a blonde and a brunette were passing by a flower shop on their way to work. The brunette happened to see her hubby buy a bouquet of flowers
and overheard him say to the clerk "Have the card say,
to my beatiful wife"
The brunette turns to the blonde and says "Damn, now
i'm going to have to spend the whole weekend with my legs in the air!"
To which the blonde replies ...
3 Comments,
275 Views,
20 Votes
,5.55 Score
|
|
Disappointed... 8/11/2018
A teacher asked her 6th grade class: “Who can tell me,
which human organ becomes 10 times bigger when it’s stimulated?”
<br><br>
Maria stood up, bright red and angry, and said “How can
you ask such a question? I’m telling my parents and they’re
going to get you fired!” <br><br>
The teacher was shocked by the outburst, but decided to
ignore it. She asked the ...
4 Comments,
38 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score
|
|
The Silent Treatment 8/10/2018
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were
giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the
man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake
him at 5:00am for an early morning business flight. Not
wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE),
he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00am"
and left it where he knew she would find ...
0 Comments,
49 Views,
8 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
|
YOU CAN'T FOOL THE IRISH....... 8/8/2018
Mrs O'Brien comes to visit her Seamus for 3 days
in Dublin where he is studying. She finds out that her
lives with Vikki, a girl roomate. Mrs O'Brien couldn't
help but notice how pretty Seamus's room-mate was.
She suspects of a relationship between the two, and this
had only made her more curious. Reading his Mum's thoughts, Seamus volunteered,
"I know what you must ...
2 Comments,
19 Views,
9 Votes
,3.21 Score
|
|
What did the duck say to the ? 8/4/2018
Put it on my BILL!
5 Comments,
38 Views,
11 Votes
,3.92 Score
|
|
Main Vice President 7/19/2018
Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President
of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to
his wife for weeks on end. <br><br>
Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him,
"Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president
of peas at the grocery store!". <br><br>
"Really?" he said. Not sure if this was ...
1 Comments,
22 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
|
No more a Virgin 7/19/2018
No more a Virgin <br><br>
The family is at the dining table. The little 10-year-old
girl does not eat and has her nose in her plate…. <br><br>
After a few moments, she says, “I’ve something to tell
you people” <br><br>
Silence around the table. “I’m no longer virgin”,
and she begins to cry. A long silence again. <br><br>
And then… ...
2 Comments,
36 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
|
Little Sally 7/13/2018
Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face,
and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his
weenie today at the playground!"... Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to
say, "It reminded me of a peanut... " Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked,
"Really small, was it?" Sally replied, "No, salty." Mom ...
3 Comments,
25 Views,
6 Votes
,5.07 Score
|
|
Honesty 7/11/2018
A girl says to her mother "I know where babies come
from Mummy. Sarah told me." Her mother replied "And where is that, dear?"
The girl says "She said that you put Daddy's thing
in your mouth, and stuff comes out, and goes in your belly
and that's where babies grow." Her mother corrected her "No dear, that's where
jewelry comes from."
1 Comments,
28 Views,
10 Votes
,4.38 Score
|
|
Italian Honeymoon... 7/11/2018
The Italian Honeymoon... <br><br>
After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his
new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped by his barbershop
in Jersey to say hello to his old friends... Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wasa da treep?"
Luigi said, "Everyting perfecto, except for da traina
ride..." "Whata you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni. "Well,
we ...
2 Comments,
32 Views,
8 Votes
,3.71 Score
|
|
Finally a sensitive man 6/16/2018
A woman meets a good-looking man in a bar. They talk, they
connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his
apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely
packed with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There ! are
three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds
of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering
the ...
1 Comments,
48 Views,
12 Votes
,5.98 Score
|
|
Holiday Present 6/8/2018
Bob's wife is going off to Paris for a long weekend with
her girlfriends. As he drives her to the airport, she says
to him: <br><br>
"Is there anything you'd like me to bring you
back from Paris?" <br><br>
Bob thinks about it for a while, and then jokes, "How
about you bring me back a cute little French girl?"
<br><br>
Bob's wife ...
1 Comments,
39 Views,
11 Votes
,4.29 Score
|
|
YOU CAN'T FOOL THE IRISH....... 5/30/2018
Mrs O'Brien comes to visit her Seamus for 3 days
in Dublin where he is studying. She finds out that her
lives with Vikki, a girl roomate. Mrs O'Brien couldn't
but notice how pretty Seamus's room-mate was.
She suspects of a relationship between the , and this
had only made her more curious. Reading his Mum's thoughts, Seamus volunteered,
"I know what you must be ...
0 Comments,
22 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
|
|
THE BOTTLE OF WINE 5/30/2018
For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were
married, or wish you weren't married, this is something
to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine: Mary was driving home from of her business trips in Northern
Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on
the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet ,
she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman ...
0 Comments,
25 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
|
|
THE CORK 5/30/2018
Arab terrorists were in a locker room taking a shower
after their bomb making class in Toronto, when notices
the other has a huge cork stuck in his arse. If you do not mind me saying, " stated the second,
"that cork looks very uncomfortable. Why don't
you take it out?" I regret I cannot", lamented the first Arab. "It
is permanently stuck in my arse." "I do ...
0 Comments,
34 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
|
|
Underwear dust 5/30/2018
evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said
to his wife 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes
in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your
butt!' <br><br>
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't
let such a comment go unrewarded. <br><br>
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out
of his drawer. ...
2 Comments,
49 Views,
9 Votes
,2.14 Score
|
|
Photo on the night stand 5/30/2018
After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman's nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry. <br><br>
'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks. <br><br>
'No, silly, ' she replies, snuggling up to him.
<br><br>
'Your boyfriend, then?' he continues. <br><br>
'No, not at all, ...
1 Comments,
28 Views,
8 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
|
A smart blonde! 5/29/2018
A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute
blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move.
"You know, " he says, "I've heard
that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation
with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly
and says to the guy, "What would you like to ...
2 Comments,
40 Views,
8 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
|
A LITTLE BRITISH HUMOUR 5/28/2018
The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the
entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left
was taken by a well> dressed, middle-aged, French
woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may
I have that seat?' The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular
'Americans> are so rude. My little Fifi is using
that seat.' The ...
1 Comments,
35 Views,
10 Votes
,4.78 Score
|
|
:P pointless 5/28/2018
Baka la a derka derka
1 Comments,
6 Views,
2 Votes
,0.34 Score
|
|
Cowboy 5/28/2018
Cowboy: GIVE ME 3 PACKETS OF CONDOMS PLEASE. <br><br>
CASHIER: DO YOU NEED A PAPER BAG SIR? <br><br>
Cowboy: NAH... SHE AIN'T THAT UGLY!
1 Comments,
17 Views,
6 Votes
,1.66 Score
|
|
WHEELIE BIN 4/19/2018
A dustman is going along a street picking up the wheelie
bins and emptying them into his dustcart. He gets to one house where the bin hasn't been left out
so he has a quick look for it, (unusual I know), goes round
the back but still can't see it, so he knocks on the door.
There's no answer so he knocks again. Eventually a Japanese bloke answers... "Harro",
says the ...
1 Comments,
22 Views,
8 Votes
,3.01 Score
|
|
The Vicar's Salary. 4/16/2018
The local Vicar explains that he must move on to a larger
congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush within
the congregation. No one wants him to leave. <br><br>
Mike Smith, who owns several car dealerships, stands up
and proclaims: 'If the Vicar stays, I will provide
him with a new Mercedes every year and his wife with a Honda
mini-van to transport their !' ...
1 Comments,
32 Views,
6 Votes
,1.94 Score
|
|
Disappointed 4/16/2018
A teacher asked her 6th grade class: “Who can tell me,
which human organ becomes 10 times bigger when it’s stimulated?”
<br><br>
Maria stood up, bright red and angry, and said “How can
you ask such a question? I’m telling my parents and they’re
going to get you fired!” <br><br>
The teacher was shocked by the outburst, but decided to
ignore it. She asked the ...
1 Comments,
33 Views,
9 Votes
,2.57 Score
|
|
Blowjobs 4/16/2018
A husband comes home to find his wife packing a suitcase
<br><br>
"Where are you going?" He asked <br><br>
"Las Vegas" she said' " You can get
$400 for a blowjob there, so i figured i would get paid for
something i give you for free" <br><br>
"Hold on" He said " im coming too, i want
to see you survive on only ...
1 Comments,
20 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
|
|
THE SPOON AND THE STRING 4/14/2018
A timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference
for an organization. <br><br>
Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant,
and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little
strange. <br><br>
When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed
he Also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I ...
1 Comments,
17 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
|
|
everyone has limits... 3/21/2018
'Of course I won't laugh, ' said the nurse.
'I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've
never laughed at a patient.'
'Okay then, ' said Fred, and he proceeded to drop
his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'man thingy'
the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't
have been bigger than an AAA battery.
Unable to control herselff, the nurse started giggling,
then fell to ...
1 Comments,
132 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
Crabs... 3/3/2018
A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of
frozen crabs and asked a blonde flight attendant to take
care of them for him. <br><br>
She took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator.
<br><br>
He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible
for them staying frozen, mentioning in an arrogant manner
that he was a lawyer and ...
4 Comments,
36 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
|
|
Apples 3/3/2018
A bus driver and a doctor were in love with the same women
<br><br>
The bus driver had to leave for week and before he left he gave is love 7 apples
1 Comments,
23 Views,
5 Votes
,0.53 Score
|
|
Crosses 3/3/2018
What do you get if you cross a bullet and a tree with no leaves?
A cartridge in a bare tree. <br><br>
What would you get if you crossed a bat with a lly hearts
club? Lots of blind dates. <br><br>
What would you get if you crossed a donkey with an owl? A smart
ass which knows it all. <br><br>
What would you get if you crossed a mole with a porcupine?
A tunnel ...
1 Comments,
17 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
|
|
Mice 2/24/2018
Mice How Many Mice Does It Take To Screw In A Light Bulb? <br><br>
Now, wait a minute, before you scroll down for the answer, see if you can figure this out. Come on... Think about it! How many? <br><br>
All right, if you think you're really ready to give up... <br><br>
but you're going to be very embarrassed.. <br><br>
<br><br> ...
1 Comments,
25 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
|
|
Leaving Early 1/15/2018
women all worked in the same office, with the same
female boss. Each day they noticed that the boss would leave
work early. day, the women decided, that when the boss left, they
would leave right behind her. After all, she never ed,
or came back to work, so how would she know they went home
early. <br><br>
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little
gardening, ed ...
0 Comments,
22 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
|
|
I want to see something really cheap 12/27/2017
After being away on business for a week before Christmas,
Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
<br><br>
<br><br>
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics
clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50. <br><br>
"That's a bit much, " said Tom, so she returned
with a smaller bottle for $30. ...
1 Comments,
21 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
Ethel 12/24/2017
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to
charge around the nursing home, taking corners on wheel
and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was sandwich short of a picnic
the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually
joined in. day Ethel was speeding up corridor when a door opened
and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his ...
1 Comments,
21 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
|
|
Onions And Christmas Trees 12/10/2017
A family is at the dinner table. The asks his father,
'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there? <br><br>
The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, , there
are kinds of Boobs: <br><br>
In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and
firm. <br><br>
In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still
nice but hanging a bit. ...
0 Comments,
28 Views,
5 Votes
,5.10 Score
|
|
Trouble sleeping 12/6/2017
The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office.
"What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.
<br><br>
"Well, I, uh, " she stammered. "I think
I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac." <br><br>
"I see, " he said. "I can help you, but
I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour." <br><br>
"That's not ...
1 Comments,
38 Views,
10 Votes
,3.58 Score
|
|
This old wino 12/6/2017
This old wino staggers into a bar and the barman immediately
told him to get out. The said that he would only leave
if the barman gave him a cocktail stick. The barman, thinking
this was a fair exchange, gladly gave the man a cocktail
stick and watched him stagger back outside. <br><br>
A minute later another old wino walked into the bar and got
asked to leave by the barman. This ...
1 Comments,
24 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
|
|
Elderly Couple 12/6/2017
An elderly couple who were both widowed had been going out
with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends
they decided it was finally time to get married. Before
the wedding they went out to dinner and had a long conversation
regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed
finances, living arrangements, and so on. Finally, the
old gentleman decided it was time to broach the ...
1 Comments,
26 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
Frozen Wimdows 12/6/2017
Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning: "Windows frozen." Husband texts back: "pour some luke warm water over it." <br><br>
Wife texts back: <br><br>
<br><br>
"computer completely fucked now."
1 Comments,
23 Views,
9 Votes
,5.35 Score
|
|
Deodoranjt 12/5/2017
I got a new stick deodorant today. The instructions said: Remove cap and push up bottom. I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells lovely.
1 Comments,
13 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
|
|
Paddy 12/5/2017
Paddy walks into his GP's surgery and punches doctor!
He then shouts "You bastrd telling my wife she has
a nice fanny!" The doctor says "I told her she's got acute angina..!"
1 Comments,
17 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
|
|
Mick & Paddy 12/5/2017
Mick met Paddy in the street and said, 'Paddy, will
you draw your bedroom curtains before making love to your
wife in future?' 'Bejaysus Why?' Paddy asked. 'Because, ' said Mick, 'the whole street
was laughing when they saw you making love yesterday.'
Paddy said, 'Stupid bastards, the laugh's on
them ... I wasn't home yesterday.'
1 Comments,
21 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
|
|
Trained 12/5/2017
An old man who'd lived all his life back up in the hills
came to visit a childhood friend. Now he'd never laid
eyes on a train or the iron rails on which they run. Standing in the middle of the tracks one day, he heard a distant
whistle... WOOOO--ooo---OOOOO! but didn't have
a clue as to what it meant or his impending danger. Predictably, the old boy is hit -- fortunately ...
1 Comments,
22 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
ONLY IN SCOTLAND 12/5/2017
A Scottish soldier in full dress marches into a pharmacy
to speak to the chemist. The Scot opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded
cotton bandana, opens it to reveal a smaller silk square
which he unfolds to reveal a condom. The condom has a number
of patches on it. He holds it up. 'How much to repair it?' the Scot asks the pharmacist.'Six
pence, ' says the chemist. ...
1 Comments,
21 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
|
Looks of Disappointment 12/5/2017
A Irishman was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery,
and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered
open and he said, "You're truly beautiful."
Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed
by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open
and he said, "You're really cute." The wife was ...
1 Comments,
24 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
|
|
Vely Good 11/20/2017
A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City
restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen
seated there are furiously masturbating. <br><br>
She yells, "What the hell do you guys think you are
doing?" <br><br>
One of the Japanese men explains, "Can't you
see? We are all berry hungry." <br><br>
The waitress ...
1 Comments,
31 Views,
9 Votes
,2.57 Score
|
|
A Few Thoughts For You 11/20/2017
• Those who can laugh without cause have either found
the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving
mad. Norm Papernick • Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, while
dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons? • Why is the man who invests all your money called a 'Broker'?
• Why isn't there a mouse flavoured cat food? • Why do they call the airport ...
1 Comments,
14 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
|
|
Random Jokes 11/19/2017
Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the
middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and
farting, so I knew I made it home OK! <br><br>
<br><br>
The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for
making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we
should hold auditions for her part. <br><br>
I've accidentally ...
1 Comments,
15 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
|
|
Fake two dollar bill 11/6/2017
On my way home from the second job I've taken for the
extra holiday cash I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick
bite to eat. In my wallet is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is
all of the cash I have on my person. I figure that with a $2
bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about
people getting upset with me. <br><br>
ME: "Hi, I'd like one seven layer ...
0 Comments,
18 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
|
Jewish Divorce 10/29/2017
A jewish girl calls her mother : 'Mum, I'm getting
a divorce'. 'A divorce? Why?' replied the shocked mother.
'Mum, all he wants his anal sex. I used to have a lovely
little arsehole, the size of a 5p piece. Now its the size
of a 50p piece'. The mother replies 'Sweetie, you have a lovely home,
a Porsche, a platinum credit card and have 4 foreign holidays
a year.... ...
0 Comments,
21 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
Survey 10/13/2017
In a recent blowjob survey 7% of the men said they like the
feeling. 10% said they like the power and control. The rest
just enjoyed the peace and quiet.
1 Comments,
6 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
The Lonely Widow 10/3/2017
Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent
over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that
she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly,
she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision
to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken
in the first place. Not wanting to miss ...
0 Comments,
18 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
|
|
Divorce Letter 9/21/2017
Dear Husband: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm
leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for
seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last
two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today
and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and
didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, ...
1 Comments,
29 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
|
|
EATING IN THE FIFTIES 9/20/2017
* Pasta had not been invented. * Curry was an unknown entity. * Olive oil was kept in the medicine cabinet * Spices came from the Middle East where we believed that
they were used for embalming * Herbs were used to make rather dodgy medicine. * A Takeaway was a mathematical problem. * A Pizza was something to do with a leaning tower. * Bananas and oranges only appeared at Christmas time.
* The ...
1 Comments,
19 Views,
2 Votes
,0.34 Score
|
|
The Irish v. The French! 8/24/2017
The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone
rings. <br><br>
'Hallo, Mr. Sarkozy!' a heavily accented voice
said. 'This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare,
Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially
declaring war on you! We voted to reject the Lisbon treaty!'
'Well Paddy, Sarkozy replied. How big is your army?' ...
0 Comments,
16 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
|
|
EVEN MORE BLONDE QUESTIONS ANSWERED 8/20/2017
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain ? A: Gifted! Q: How do blonde braincells die? A: Alone. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A: Pregnant. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde? A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence. Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders? A: Because they ...
1 Comments,
13 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
|
|
Dear Alcohol 6/9/2017
First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge
fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when
needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game,
and you're even around in the holiday's hidden
inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in
the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately
I've been wondering about your intentions. While
I want to believe that ...
2 Comments,
20 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
|
|
Sad Dick... 3/12/2017
A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is
nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's
a pussy, and his owner beats him.
2 Comments,
30 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
|
|
Oy-vay 3/12/2017
A guy turns to his wife in bed and whispers, "Did you
know it's National Orgasm Day?"
"Oh, what a pity, " she said, "Right in
the middle of National Headache Week."
2 Comments,
26 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
|
|
One Wprd Or Two 2/23/2017
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going
out with each other for a long time.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time
to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long
conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman ...
1 Comments,
30 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
What did the psychiatrist say to the naked crazy man wrapped in Saran Wrap? 2/19/2017
I can CLEARLY see your('re) NUTS!
1 Comments,
18 Views,
8 Votes
,2.78 Score
|
|
Riddles with an X in front of the rated! 1/20/2017
Apologies if some are a little crass but some of them are
gold! . . . . X-RATED RIDDLES Q. What's a mixed feeling? A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in
your new car. ============================================= Q. What's the height of conceit? A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name. ============================================= Q. What's the definition of macho? ...
1 Comments,
31 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
|
|
Screwed... 1/18/2017
A guy asked a girl in a university library: “Do you mind
if I sit beside you?”
The girl replied with a loud voice: “I DON’T WANT TO
SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!”
All the students in the library started staring at the guy;
he was truly embarrassed.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the
guy’s table and said: “I study psychology, and I know ...
0 Comments,
60 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
|
|
Young Couple... 1/18/2017
A young couple, on the brink of divorce, visits a marriage
counsellor. The counsellor asks the wife, “What’s
the problem?”
She says, “My husband suffers from premature ejaculation.”
The counsellor turns to her husband and inquires, “Is
that true?”
The husband replies, “Well not exactly, she’s the
one that suffers, not me.”
0 Comments,
38 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
About Laying Off... 1/4/2017
Two managers are going over their budget for the next year...
After analyzing expenses and revenues, they come to the
conclusion that they will have to lay off one of their two
assistants, Jack or Ann...
They go back and forth but can't decide who to lay off...
Finally, one manager decides that they should lay off the
first person who gets up from their desk...
In the meantime, ...
1 Comments,
77 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
Satisfaction 1/2/2017
The masochist says to the sadist "Hit me." The
sadist hits , and they are both satisfied.
The masochist says to the sadist "I want you to hit
me." The sadist says "I won't", and
they are both satisfied.
1 Comments,
21 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
|
|
Watch what you ask for 8/25/2016
Watch what you ask for
A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places
the bag on the counter.
The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag.
The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about
one foot high and sets him on the counter. He reaches back
into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the
counter as well. He reaches ...
1 Comments,
38 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
|
|
The Complment... 8/25/2016
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really
need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near
perfect.'
1 Comments,
19 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
How old guys pick up women 7/27/2016
The young man asked the senior citizen for tips on how to
pick up women.
The old gentleman explained...
I am getting on in years and not the best looking guy anymore.
Some would even say I'm a little frayed around the edges.
But, I have a nice car, a little money, and I spend most of
my time casually traveling from place to place and enjoying
life.
I met a nice ...
1 Comments,
55 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
|
|
Hard Times... 7/25/2016
Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they
decide that she’ll become a . She’s not quite
sure what to do, so Harry says, “Stand in front of that
bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks.
If you got a question, I’ll be parked around the corner.”
She’s standing there for 5 minutes when a guy pulls up
and asks, “How much?” She says, “A ...
0 Comments,
65 Views,
9 Votes
,4.92 Score
|
|
OMG!!!.... Noooooooo!!! 7/7/2016
He's in trouble...
1 Comments,
137 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
|
|
Bubba and thr toilet brush... 6/7/2016
Bubba and the Toilet Brush
One day when Bubba and Billy Bob were in the Little Rock -
Wal-Mart, they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle.
They each bought five tickets at a dollar a pop. The following
week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize.
Billy Bob won 1st place - a year's supply of gourmet
spaghetti sauce and extra long spaghetti.
Bubba won ...
1 Comments,
40 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
|
|
Out of Bounds... 5/13/2016
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for
all male students, and the male dormitory to the female
students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined
$20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the
second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time
will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
One student raised his hand and asked, "How much for
a season ...
1 Comments,
45 Views,
7 Votes
,2.79 Score
|
|
Origin of the wood "Boob" 10/10/2015
Q: What is the origin of the word "Boob"? A: The "B" is the aerial view, the "oo"
is the front view, the "b" is the side view.
1 Comments,
26 Views,
5 Votes
,2.16 Score
|
|
How to Catch a Polar Bear 5/27/2015
First you cut a hole in the ice. Then you encircle it with
peas. When the polar bear takes a pea you kick him in the ice
hole. Ha Ha Ha
2 Comments,
24 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
|
|
Blondes on Honeymoon 5/2/2015
A Mother had three virgin blonde daughters. They were all
getting married within a short time period.
Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would
get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard
from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The first blonde girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after
the wedding. The card said nothing but ...
3 Comments,
209 Views,
12 Votes
,5.27 Score
|
|
Confessions 5/2/2015
A young couple, just married, are driving off to their honeymoon
getaway. As they drive, the husband says to his bride, "Honey,
I have a little confession to make."
"What is it?" she asked.
"Well, you know a couple of weeks ago, when we were
at my parents' place for dinner, and it got late, and
they said you could spend the night in the guest room? I remembered
you saying that ...
0 Comments,
62 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
|
Suspicion 5/2/2015
A guy is talking with his new neighbor, who just moved in
a few weeks ago. "Say, Joe, you look down. What's
the problem?"
Joe, the new neighbor, says, "Well, I think my wife
is cheating on me."
"What makes you say that?"
"Well, when I first started working for my company,
I was in Louisville. Then about two years ago I got a transfer
to St. Louis. Last year I was ...
0 Comments,
57 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
|
The differance 5/2/2015
What is the differance between a woman and a frying pan????
There isnt any. They both have to be hot before you put the
meat in
0 Comments,
12 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
|
|
Which Do You Prefer? 1/29/2015
Last night I was talking to a young, good looking woman.
She asked me if I preferred breasts or legs.
I told her what I really liked was a shaved fanny
Apparently I'm not welcome back at KFC.
3 Comments,
31 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
Which Do You Prefer? 12/7/2014
Last night I was talking to a young, good looking woman.
She asked me if I preferred breasts or legs.
I told her what I really liked was a shaved fanny
Apparently I'm not welcome back at KFC.
2 Comments,
30 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score
|
|
Tickle Me Elmo 10/29/2014
Tickle Me Elmo:
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the
Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she
reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's
door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to ...
1 Comments,
135 Views,
6 Votes
,5.07 Score
|
|
The bear 10/29/2014
A bear walks into a bar and says "bartender, give me
a beer!" The bartender looks at him and shakes his head, "I'm
sorry sir, its against the policy of this bar to serve beer
to bears." The bear frowned and slammed his paw down and said "I
don't care, I want a beer and give it to me now!"
The bartender simple shook his head, "I'm sorry
sir, its posted and this bar will serve no beers to bears" ...
1 Comments,
191 Views,
9 Votes
,1.29 Score
|
|
Cricket Rules - made easy! 5/30/2013
You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man
that's in the side that's in goes out, and when
he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's
out. When they are all out, the side that's out comes
in and the side thats been in goes out and tries to get those
coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.
When a man goes out to go in, the men who are ...
1 Comments,
44 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
|
|
Osama 2/16/2013
Guy goes into a bar, "Bartender I would like an Osama"
Bartender says "What the hell is an Osama?"
guy replies "2 shots and a splash"
0 Comments,
83 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
Marooned 1/20/2013
A man was the only survivor of a shipwreck. He washed up on
a desert island where he remained for 10 years living off
coconuts and fish he could catch from the ocean. One day
he looks out on the beach and a beautiful blond in a skin tight
wetsuit is emerging out of the water. He thinks he must be
halucinating. He rubs his eyes and pinches himself, but
here she comes straight for him. She ...
0 Comments,
227 Views,
98 Votes
,7.79 Score
|
|
Other one up for the Scots!! 1/12/2013
Five Englishmen boarded a train just behind five Scots,
who, as a group had only purchased one ticket. Just before
the conductor came through, all the Scots piled into the
toilet stall at the back of the car.
As the conductor passed the stall, he knocked and called"Tickets,
please!" and one of the Scots slid a ticket under the
door. It was punched, pushed back under the door, and when
it ...
0 Comments,
49 Views,
244 Votes
,7.59 Score
|
|
How to be a Really Obnoxious Dominant 1/10/2013
Insist that all Bondage play be done only with Silly string.
For gagging, use Giant Super Sourball Bubble gum, found
in Grocery vending machines. When your sub starts turning blue from too-tight bounds,
tell them how it brings out the color of their eyes ... Make them embroider "This Ass Owned and operated
by Mistress/Master (insert name here) on all of their work
clothes. Flog your submissive... ...
0 Comments,
26 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
|
|
What's the difference......again 1/7/2013
What's the difference between a blowjob and anal sex
?
A blowjob will make your day, but anal sex will make your
hole weak !
0 Comments,
95 Views,
7 Votes
,3.55 Score
|
|
Little Johnnie learns about construction 1/5/2013
One day little Johnnie was being such at
terror at home his mother suggested that he go out next door
and watch them build the new house.
After several hours Johnnie returned home. His mother
asked him what he learned.
He told her he watch them put up a door an started to describe
in detail how to get the door into place.
First you put up the damn door ...
0 Comments,
84 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
|
|
Sexual harassment... 12/10/2012
Might be an old one, but I still think it's funny...
Girl comes to the boss saying her co-worker sexually harasses
her every morning. "Why, what does he do?" the
boss asks.
"Every morning he walks past me he tells me how good
my hair smells."
Boss: "I'm not sure that this constitutes sexual
harassment."
Girl: "He's a midget!"
0 Comments,
81 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
suck me dry 9/17/2012
You laid on my naked body and applied your mouth to me without
guilt or humiliation. You drove me near crazy while you
drained me. Today when I awoke, you were gone. I searched
for you but to no avail. Only the sheets bore witness to last
night's events. My body still bears marks of your ravishing,
making it all the more difficult to forget you. Tonight,
I will remain awake, waiting for you, you ...
1 Comments,
157 Views,
11 Votes
,2.42 Score
|
|
Vacation 5/24/2012
A man returns from a vacation and talks to a friend.
" They were really poor, outside a building I saw a
woman with the writing 'blowjob for food' The
friend asks if he did it " Are you crazy? Sticking my
cock in the mouth of a starving womans mouth?"
0 Comments,
95 Views,
26 Votes
,4.54 Score
|
|
Tech Support 3/18/2012
Subject: Tech Support issue Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and
noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes
to the accounting software; severely limiting access
to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that had
operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of
this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.
In ...
1 Comments,
95 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score
|
|
watch out for the old Ladies... 3/18/2012
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging
two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags
was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the
sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am,
there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady.
"I'd better go back and see if I ...
1 Comments,
150 Views,
14 Votes
,4.58 Score
|
|
Dracula at Halloween 3/6/2012
Halloween is Dracula's favorite holiday. He loves
used, dirty, bloody, soiled tampons. What does Dracula
do with used tampons? Tea bags!
0 Comments,
47 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
New drink "Bin Laden" 3/6/2012
The new drink "Bin Laden" is available. It's two straight shots, and a splash of water.
0 Comments,
77 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
what are you doing daddy? 3/2/2012
Little boy walks in adn sees his daddy looking down, putting
on a condom. He asks what are you doing daddy? Father looks desperately around and says Looking for a
mouse. Why, are you going to fuck it?
0 Comments,
221 Views,
6 Votes
,1.66 Score
|
|
Rejection by Dom 2/7/2012
Dear [____rejectee' s name here_____], Sir: I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from
further contention as my perfect Master. As You are probably aware,
the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified
candidates such as Yourself also failed to make the final
cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become
available. So that You may find ...
1 Comments,
63 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
|
|
A motorist was mailed a picture .. 11/10/2011
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through
an automated radar post. A $40 speeding ticket was included.
<br>
Being cute, he sent the police department .. a picture of
two 20 dollar bills ..
<br>
A few days later he got another picture in the mail .. this
one was of some handcuffs ...
0 Comments,
88 Views,
77 Votes
,4.04 Score
|
|
Uses Of Vaseline 11/10/2011
Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much
luck until, one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for
sale' sign on it. The bike seems even better than a new
one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute
mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller
how
he kept it in such great condition for 10 years. "Well,
it's quite simple, really, " says the ...
2 Comments,
449 Views,
33 Votes
,7.19 Score
|
|
drunk man 7/31/2011
An English joke A drunk man wins the jackpot on the fruit machine in his local
pub, he is so drunk he can hardly pick up the 20pence coins
scattered everywhere. The barman gives him a plastic bag
and they both put all the coins in. He carries the heavy bag
back home but on putting the key in the lock he drops the bag.
He is too drunk to pick them up so he leaves them there and
goes to bed. The ...
3 Comments,
117 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
|
|
Little Johnny 7/13/2011
Little Johnny was in class when the teacher asked the following
question: "If there were 5 birds in a tree, and a farmer
shot one, how many would be left?"
Little Johnny shot up his hand and responded "None".
The teacher correcting him noted that 5 minus 1 equals 4.
Johnny replied "But the other birds would have been
scared by the gunshot and flew off". The teacher looked
at Johnny ...
1 Comments,
197 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
Only if it's raining 6/24/2011
A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work.
One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror,
she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
"Oh My God - Hurry! Grab your clothes, " she
yelled to her lover. "And jump out the window. My husband's
home early!"
I can't jump out the window!" came the strangled
reply from beneath the sheets. "It's ...
3 Comments,
370 Views,
14 Votes
,5.70 Score
|
|
Sexism in Bibical Times 6/5/2011
Man was walking in the Garden of Eden with God, and man said, ”
God you are so much greater than I, couldn’t you make me
somebody like myself as a playmate?” And God told Addam
to go to sleep. So Addam went to sleep and God took Addams’s
rib and made him Evea. Addam saw Evea when he woke up and they
went off into a cave and had intercourse for a week solid.
Then Addam turned to Evea and ...
0 Comments,
66 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
|
|
step on the bus 5/25/2011
>During the afternoon rush at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful
young woman was waiting for the bus.
>She was decked out in a tight leather miniskirt with
matching tight leather boots and jacket.
>As the bus rolled to a stop, she got her place in line.
When it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt
was too tight to allow her enough slack to raise her leg high ...
0 Comments,
118 Views,
9 Votes
,4.07 Score
|
|
A fart 5/25/2011
A fart is a pleasant thing, It gives the belly ease, It warms the bed in winter, And suffocates the fleas.
A fart can be quiet, A fart can be loud, Some leave a powerful, Poisonous cloud
A fart can be short, Or a fart can be long, Some farts have been known To sound like a song......
A fart can create A most curious medley, A fart can be harmless, Or silent, and deadly. ...
0 Comments,
45 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
|
11 husbands ....just had to share 5/1/2011
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously
divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told
her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a
virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom, "How
can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he
kept telling me how great it was going to be.
"Husband #2 was in ...
3 Comments,
341 Views,
13 Votes
,6.16 Score
|
|
Top Ten Secrets to a Bigger Wider Penis Guaranteed To Win The Praise of Alt Women Everywhere 2/25/2011
1. Buy better porn.
2. Go to the fun house.
3. Steal photos from the internet.
4. Strapons are available for men.
5. Take photography classes and buy a wide angle lens.
6. Bribe the optometrist next time you take her for new eyeglasses.
7. Perfect the sly cell camera shot so next time you’re in
the locker room you can capture the one you ...
1 Comments,
87 Views,
7 Votes
,3.80 Score
|
|
Intercom System 2/21/2011
One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about
to kiss each other goodnight, the guy starts feeling a little
horny.
With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against
the wall and, smiling, he says to her,
2 Comments,
65 Views,
4 Votes
|
|
Attorneys 2/21/2011
__________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you ...
2 Comments,
79 Views,
9 Votes
,4.49 Score
|
|
Spacewoman! 12/11/2010
Q. Why haven't we put a woman on the moon? A. Because
it doesn't need cleaning!
0 Comments,
12 Views,
2 Votes
|
|
The Chili At A Diner 11/20/2010
A man goes into a cafe and sits down. A waitress comes to take
his order, and he asks her,
2 Comments,
114 Views,
5 Votes
|
|
The perfect day - Her and His versions of 11/12/2010
the perfect day - her and his versions of
The Perfect Day - Her
8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses 9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale
9:30 Light Breakfast 11:00 Sunbathe 12:30 Lunch with best
friend at outdoor cafe 1:45 Shopping 2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's
ex and notice she's gained 30 lbs 3:00 Facial, massage, nap 7:30
Candlelight dinner for two and dancing 10:00 Make love ...
1 Comments,
70 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
|
|
golf 11/12/2010
A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of
course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through
the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.
The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now
we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize
and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.'
So the couple walked up to the house and ...
2 Comments,
182 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
|
|
This will make you smile 11/9/2010
One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and
dies.
He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting
for him.
"I don't know what to do here, " says the
devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you.
You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what
I'm going to do. I've got a few folks here who weren't
quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them ...
1 Comments,
89 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
sicktionary 11/8/2010
1. gmail - a chainmail in the form of a gstring. wearing it
makes you look like you have been given a wedgie while you
are wearing a metallic gstring. its also the name of the
mail service provided by google
2. iPiss - latest in apple mobile technology, includes
a portable urinal where u can piss on the go. its also filipino
for
2 Comments,
18 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Celery Spankin !! 10/3/2010
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive
woman waving at him.
She says hello.
He's rather taken back because he can't place
where he knows her from.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father
of one of my ."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been
unfaithful to his wife and ...
2 Comments,
258 Views,
14 Votes
,6.50 Score
|
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The Polite way to PEE!! 10/3/2010
During one of her daily
classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked
her students the following question: "Michael,
if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady,
how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."
The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude
and impolite. ...
1 Comments,
227 Views,
13 Votes
,5.32 Score
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A redneck meets Jesus 10/2/2010
A bartender was washing glasses one afternoon when an elderly
Irishman came in.
With great difficulty, the Irishman hoisted his bad leg
over the barstool, pulled himself up painfully, and asked
for a sip of Irish whiskey.
The Irishman looked down the bar and said, "Is that
Jesus down there?" The bartender nodded, so the Irishman
told him to give Jesus an Irish whiskey, too. ...
3 Comments,
274 Views,
20 Votes
,5.81 Score
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Thank you for calleing me a bitch 9/30/2010
Does A/anyone know what a bitch truly is???
B eautiful
I ntellligent
T houghtful
C harming
H orny hope that clears things up
respectfully submitted by Master Doogiesassman's girl soveh
1 Comments,
47 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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No sex since 1955 9/30/2010
A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event
hosted by a Local liberal arts college. There was no shortage
of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance,
one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very
serious man. Is Something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature." ...
0 Comments,
205 Views,
9 Votes
,4.49 Score
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Excuse Me Sir, Your Fly Is Unzipped 9/2/2010
Excuse Me Sir, Your Fly Is Unzipped
1. "The cucumber has left the salad."
2. "Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd
is hanging out."
3. "Your soldier ain't so unknown now."
4. "Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend
to his bells."
5. "Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!"
...
0 Comments,
62 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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Sheep 7/8/2010
One sunny day I was driving through the countryside when
I spotted a naked man in a field. He was stood up, holding
a sheep by its back legs, and positioned between them.
I wound down the car window and shouted to him, "Are
you shearing that sheep?".
To which he replied, "No, fuck off and find your own
sheep".
0 Comments,
210 Views,
7 Votes
,2.53 Score
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Few jokes for a few giggles. 6/17/2010
The big bad wolf said: "I'll huff, and I'll
puff, and I'll blow your house down!" The little pig replies: "Fuck
off or I'll sneeze on you!"
What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I dont know and I dont care.
A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his
mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with
Mary, her eight-year-old . ...
2 Comments,
164 Views,
10 Votes
,4.58 Score
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The Gorilla Joke 4/8/2010
Quite some years ago, a rich hunter paid an extravagant
amount for a safari in Africa, the object of which was to
hunt the great Mountain Gorilla. The outfitter equipped
him with a huge native guide, Nagumba, and an even huger
brindled hunting dog. After Nagumba watched the hunter
carefully sight in his rifle, the three headed for the bush,
in gorilla territory.
The first day, they ...
1 Comments,
102 Views,
9 Votes
,4.07 Score
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Father and bonding 3/23/2010
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old .
They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,
"What are these, Dad?". To which the man matter-of-factly
replies, "Those are called condoms, . Men use
them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see.", replied the boy, pensively. "Yes,
I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a ...
4 Comments,
377 Views,
17 Votes
,6.52 Score
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Riddle me this.... 1/27/2010
Riddle Me This....
Here's a little something to get you thinking. The
answers are below, but give each a chance before looking.
NO CHEATING!
Riddles:
1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask
you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?
2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're
bored. The best man always has me first. ...
1 Comments,
254 Views,
9 Votes
,4.71 Score
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Italian Bread 1/15/2010
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual
park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished
his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.The
80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked
him what he did to have so much energy. The 87 year old said,
"Well, I eat Italian bread every day. It keeps your
energy level high and you'll have great stamina with
the ...
1 Comments,
209 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Barbie 11/20/2009
I was reading blogs this morning and came across this and
just had to share. Thank you
1subtle_kitten
for a good morning belly laugh.
One day a father gets out of work and on his
way home he suddenly remembers that it's his 's
birthday. He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person,
"How much for one of those Barbies in the display ...
3 Comments,
204 Views,
17 Votes
,5.39 Score
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Backseat 11/10/2009
A guy and a gal were in the backseat of his car after having
sex. The guy says to the gal, "If I would have known
you were a virgin I would have taken more time." The
gal replies, "Hell, if I'd a known you had more
time, I'd a taken off my pantyhose."
1 Comments,
286 Views,
7 Votes
,3.80 Score
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DECISION 7/30/2009
A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.
Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up
on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and
everything, but..... something happened. I'm trying to break this gently,
but the fact is, your penis was chopped off in the wreck and we were ...
0 Comments,
236 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Penis Study 6/15/2009
Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine
why the head on a mans' penis is larger than the shaft.
The study took two years and cost over $1.2 million. The
study concluded that the reason the head of a man's
penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with
more pleasure during sex. After the results were published, France decided to conduct
their own study on the same ...
0 Comments,
196 Views,
21 Votes
,6.34 Score
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The perfect shoes 3/22/2009
A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on vacation. She wanted to take home a
pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very
reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were
asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one
of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, "Well
then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my ...
1 Comments,
59 Views,
6 Votes
,2.80 Score
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$7 sex 3/21/2009
A Florida couple in their 80's went to a sex therapist's
office. The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?' The man
says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse? ' The doctor raises
both eyebrows, But he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking
for sexual advice that he agrees.
When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way
you have ...
1 Comments,
169 Views,
16 Votes
,5.63 Score
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Honeymoon Breakfast 3/13/2009
Three newlywed couples were on their honeymoon and staying
in a packed hotel. As a result of the hotel being full, all
the tables in the restaurant were quite tightly packed
together for the breakfast service.
The three newlyweds are sat at tables very close to each
other, and their conversations can easily be overheard
by each other.
One couple from the north east, who are ...
1 Comments,
184 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
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Nuts 3/12/2009
Q - What do you call nuts on a wall ?
A - Walnuts ! _____
Q - What do you call nuts on a chest ?
A - Chestnuts ! _____
Q - What do you call nuts on a chin ?
A - Blowjob !
1 Comments,
106 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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To fascinate 3/7/2009
A teacher asks her class if anyone can use the word fascinate
in a sentence. Brian raises his hand and says, "The
sky is fascinating."
The teacher says, "No that's fascinating."
Jennifer raises her hand and says, "When I saw the
tigers at the zoo I was fascinated."
The teacher says, "No that's fascinated."
So finally Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "My ...
0 Comments,
126 Views,
6 Votes
,2.80 Score
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Home remedies 3/5/2009
Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold them while you chop.
Avoid arguments with the Mrs. About lifting the toilet
seat by using the sink.
For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself
and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
Remember to use a timer.
A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm ...
0 Comments,
68 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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The Episcapalean Nuns 2/23/2009
One afternoon there was a terrible crash involving a church
bus, and three female passengers arrived at the Pearly
Gates together. When Saint Peter asked them if they were
religious, they assured him that they were good Episcapaleans.
When he asked their profession, they told him they were
nuns.
Saint Peter asked them to wait, while he conferred with
the Bossman. He told God about the ...
1 Comments,
136 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
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Things that happen for a colonoscopy 2/7/2009
ABOUT THE WRITER
Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist
for the Miami Herald.
This is from news hound Dave Barry's colonoscopy journal:
I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to
make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later,
in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon,
a lengthy organ that appears ...
1 Comments,
103 Views,
12 Votes
,5.27 Score
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What did one sperm say to the other? 2/6/2009
"Quit swimming, it's a blow job!!
0 Comments,
82 Views,
6 Votes
,2.80 Score
|
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worse jokes ever 1/30/2009
whats your favourite bad jokes?? the ones you cant help
but laugh at because they are so bad here are mine:
a fish swims into a wall damn! a guy walks into a bar ouch! man walks into the pub with a piece of concrete he says to
the barman one for me and one for the road
yep there bad but i love them!!
3 Comments,
94 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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DOMCOUPLE 10/22/2008
JOKES IN YOU SLAVE!
0 Comments,
160 Views,
10 Votes
,1.00 Score
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Bitch is a bitch 8/30/2008
hmm...where do i start... My friend Mairita...Shees a
really fuckin bitch...In the school she slept with our
Leiter 5 times!!! I don't think, that she's an
engel....so, what should i do???write me...my e-mail
is ALT.com I'll wait...
2 Comments,
258 Views,
0 Votes
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SING IT GIRLS!!! 7/30/2008
At first I was afraid, I was petrified. When you said you
had 10 inches, Lord I almost died! But Id spent so many years
just waiting for a man that long, that I grew strong, and
I knew that I could take you on. But there you are, another
lie. I was ready for a Big Mac and you brought me a french fry!
I should of known that it was bullshit, just a sad pathetic
dream should have known there was no ...
1 Comments,
106 Views,
7 Votes
,3.30 Score
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Jesus Joke 7/18/2008
Jesus is walking around the streets of Bethlhem one day
when he spots a mob. He wanders over and asks a guy standing
on the fringe of the crowd what's going on. The guy points
to the weeping woman standing at the front of the crowd and
says "That woman has committed adultery and must
be stoned to death."
Jesus just can't tolerate this, so he runs up to the
front of the crowd and screams ...
3 Comments,
240 Views,
19 Votes
,6.16 Score
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TAKING A WOMAN TO BED 6/4/2008
What is the difference between girls/Woman aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and
78? At 8- You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 you
tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28- You dont need to
tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38- She tells you a story
and takes you to bed. At 48- She tells you a story to avoid
going to bed. At 58- You stay in bed to avoid her story. At
68- If ...
1 Comments,
137 Views,
8 Votes
,4.17 Score
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Warning! 5/18/2008
There's a group of religious crackpots going around
knocking on doors spreading their message.
They're telling everyone that brown bread is better
than white bread.
Apparantly, they're from the Hovis Witnesses!
2 Comments,
104 Views,
6 Votes
,0.23 Score
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Sex in the lounge. 5/15/2008
Wifey came out of the kitchen and into the living room and
said to her husband, "Come on, let's make love."
So they got down to it and after the critical moment had passed,
the wife went back into the kitchen.
Her husband followed his wife into the kitchen and said,
"Wow! That sure was something different and totally
unexpected. You must have been feeling really horny." ...
1 Comments,
112 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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Three Degrees 5/9/2008
What do you call The Three Degrees when they're feeling
sexy? >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Wet
Wet Wet
1 Comments,
67 Views,
3 Votes
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Hide and Seek 5/7/2008
What do men have in common with Hide and Seek and love making?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
After about a minute they shout out, "I'm comming
ready or not!"
0 Comments,
59 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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6 months left to live. 4/22/2008
A couple were at the doctors.
The husband had been undergoing a series of tests and it
was now the time for the Doctor to give the results.
The Doctor says, "I'm sorry to inform you but
your condition is very grave. In fact it's terminal
and you've only got six months left to live."
The husband crumbled and was obviously very distressed
and started crying.
His ...
3 Comments,
136 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
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Albert & Anes 4/22/2008
Albert & Agnes were an "item" at the old
folks where they lived.
Every morning Agnes would go into Albert's room where
Albert would be lying on top of his bed waiting her arrival.
She would sit beside his bed and hold onto his penis while
they chatted about things.
The staff at the home knew this was going on but left them
to it as it kept them both occupied.
However, ...
0 Comments,
94 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
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Scousers 4/22/2008
Why are the Scousers always depressed? > > > > > > > > >: > > > > The light at the end of the tunnel is Birkenhead!
0 Comments,
62 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
|
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Last Hours 4/21/2008
An old boy was lying on his deathbed nearing his end. His
time was measured in hours not days. As he lay, the smell of fresh baked cookies that his wife
was making wafted upstairs. He so desparately wanted one more of his wife's cookies
before his end came, and so, summoning all his strength
he pulled himself out of his sick-bed, crawled across the
bedroom floor and slithered down the stairs to ...
0 Comments,
96 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
|
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Housekeeper 3/22/2008
I married a housekeeper.
We got a divorce.
She kept the house!
0 Comments,
61 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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What did you do all day? 3/17/2008
A man came home from work and found his three outside,
still In their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty Food boxes
and wrappers Strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife's car was open, as was The front
door to the house And there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding Into the
entry, he found An even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked Over,
and the throw rug was Wadded ...
1 Comments,
146 Views,
9 Votes
,5.35 Score
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Oscar 3/16/2008
Oscar was new to the school, and it was his senior year.Oscar
always found that people made fun of him, and it was ruff
to fit in.He had a lot of physical changes that summer.So
it was quite nice that by graduation time he was a big hit
at school, or at least the girls.So it was no surprise when
all the girls got up and started singing his now theme song
when the principal called out "Mr. ...
0 Comments,
78 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
|
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One man 3 drinks 1/30/2008
A stranger walks into a bar and asks for 3 shots of bourbon
in single glass's.
He drinks all 3 very slowly pays and leaves.
This goes on for about 2 months, the barman says to him one
night why do you not have all the drinks in one glass.
The strangaer says he is from a far away place, the 3 drinks
are, one for himself, and the other 2 for his younger twin
brothers, ...
0 Comments,
128 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
|
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doctor doctor 1/30/2008
A man goes to the doctors, he says `doctor I think ive broke
my arm in several places` doctor says, `well dont go to them places then`
0 Comments,
54 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
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jonnyjoke 1/30/2008
two black guys chatting about condoms, one says, `whats
the nipple on the end for`. the other says, `thats to put your foot on when your taking
them off`
T
0 Comments,
64 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
|
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A very vain man 1/30/2008
A very vain man died and his widow was making the funeral
arrangements. She was concerned that his toupe might become
dislodge during the viewing at the chapel of rest before
the funeral, and expressed such concerns to the undertaker.
The undertaker re-assured the grieving widow by saying,
"Don't worry madam, we'll make sure that
his toupe will not become dislodged." All went well with both the ...
0 Comments,
100 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
|
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BLOTCH TEST 1/26/2008
This guy goes to a phyciatrist, with the complaint of an
ailment, the doctor proceeds to show several "ink
blotches" and tells the man give his first impression
of each, w/the first, the man says, "it reminds me
of women's tits" the second one "looked
like a women's ass, " the third blotch reminded
him "of a pussy." the doctor said, "damm
your'e sick." the patient's reply was,
I'm sick, your'e ...
0 Comments,
139 Views,
7 Votes
,2.53 Score
|
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in a bar 1/26/2008
A goes into a bar and orders a double bourbon, the bar
man says " Whats with the long face " ?
0 Comments,
108 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
|
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Proposed Definitions for Alt Checklist Fetishes 1/11/2008
Age Play – A rare form of role play where men try to act their
age. It’s almost impossible to maintain more than very
brief periods of time.
Ass Play - Engaging in conversation with certain personality
types that rear their head.
Biting – An activity usually attributed to remarks some
women exchange with one another.
Blood Play - The escalated result of said ...
0 Comments,
137 Views,
15 Votes
,5.58 Score
|
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Nun in Bath 12/14/2007
A young novice nun is having a bath at the convent, there
is a knock at the door, sh2 cries out in a fluster "Q
who who is it ", a mans voice responds " Its the
blind man from the village ". Thank good ness she thinks
" come in ".
In he walks and says " Nice breasts which window do
you want this blind fitted too "
1 Comments,
162 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
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Tennis Elbow 12/12/2007
One day, John's tennis elbow was acting up and he decided
to stop in and see a doctor. When he got to the doctor's
office the nurse told him he could see the doctor in 15 minutes
but, first he'd have to give a urine sample. John said
that this was absurd but, the nurse insisted and John complied.
15 minutes later, John was ushered in to see the doctor.
"So that tennis elbow is really ...
2 Comments,
151 Views,
7 Votes
,3.80 Score
|
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A BAD DAY AT THE PARK 11/21/2007
A guy was walkin through the park, when he came across a stranger
with his ear pressed against a tree while he was hugging
the tree with his arms. So he asked "whatcha doin, "
the first guy's reply was I'm listening to the
music the tree is makeing. wanna try it?" The second
guy says "sure". He no sooner gets his arms around
the tree, when the stranger slaps a pair of handcuffs on
both of his ...
2 Comments,
193 Views,
12 Votes
,5.45 Score
|
|
Stupid joke 11/17/2007
Why did the shetland pony lose his voice?
He was a little hoarse!
0 Comments,
56 Views,
4 Votes
|
|
a laugh does a body good 11/12/2007
During a good manners and etiquette class being held for
young , the teacher says to her students:
“If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent
family and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the
toilet, what would you say to her?”
Mike replies: “Wait a minute, I’m going for a piss.”
The teacher says: “That would be very rude and ...
1 Comments,
121 Views,
8 Votes
,5.10 Score
|
|
Sex in Alaska 11/7/2007
Two guys meet for the first time at LA airport, they have
both just got divorved.
Over a few drinks they agree they will goto Alaska to get
away from everything and start a fresh.
They get to Alaska, and visit a store where they tell the
store keeper they wante enough supplies for 2 men for a full
12 months. He tells them to come back in 2 days. When they
return they pick up the ...
2 Comments,
196 Views,
12 Votes
,2.27 Score
|
|
Bovine Chaos...Udder Madness...you have a cow and add one more..... 11/1/2007
SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives
you some milk.
FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells
you some milk.
NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots
you.
BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots
one, milks the ...
4 Comments,
182 Views,
14 Votes
,5.06 Score
|
|
a blonde joke 10/15/2007
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come
over here and help me. >> >> >>I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't
figure out how to get it started." >> >> >>Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed
to be when it's finished?" >> >> >>The blonde says, "According to the picture
on the box, it's a tiger." >> >> >>Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with
the puzzle. She lets him in ...
0 Comments,
94 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
|
|
Dubya 9/29/2007
I've posted this one before, but it's still funny.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving President Bush his daily briefing
on the Iraq war.
He concludes by saying, "Yesterday, three Brazilian
soldiers were killed."
"Oh no!" the President exclaims. "That's
terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously
watching as the President sits, head ...
0 Comments,
116 Views,
14 Votes
,5.38 Score
|
|
Stupid joke 9/15/2007
What is the technical term for a lesbian sex change operation?
A Strapadicktomy!
0 Comments,
102 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
|
|
smaller lips 9/11/2007
One day a lady goes to the cosmetic surgeon and says she'd
like to have a labia reduction. She tells the doctor she'd
like to keep it VERY private. The doctor assures her all
procedures are confidential and he won't tell a soul.
Immediately following the successful operation, the
lady wakes up to find 3 roses at the foot of her bed. She presses
the button to summon the doctor and tells ...
1 Comments,
388 Views,
21 Votes
,4.73 Score
|
|
crude sex joke 9/7/2007
Q What do a Rubix and a penis have in common? A The longer you
play with them, the harder they get!
1 Comments,
90 Views,
6 Votes
,5.36 Score
|
|
QANTAS 8/28/2007
Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college
degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix
one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our
jobs. After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called
a "gripe sheet, " which tells mechanics about
problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the
problems, document their repairs on the form, and then ...
1 Comments,
66 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score
|
|
I pinched this one from AdultFriendFinder 8/19/2007
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock at the door.
He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's 3:30 in
the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this
time, " he thinks, and rolls over.
Then a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going
to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself
out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there
is a man standing ...
0 Comments,
196 Views,
7 Votes
,3.30 Score
|
|
Johns Tale. Does tell ! 8/16/2007
take our average friend here. Well, He's constantly
filled with inner desires, he could never tell a soul. But, as have us all. He, meets a friend. One acquainted with
others. Johnie's jumps at the chance! Forced Feminization
"he doesn't question how the Fem. Servile training
is taught!Later in a brief phone call, already being called
janie just talking on the phone. But, our friend all ...
2 Comments,
145 Views,
1 Votes
|
|
Top 10 Rejected Valentines Day Cards 8/8/2007
>10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk
>But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.
<br>
>9. Our love will never become cold and hollow
>Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.
<br>
>8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store
>In hopes that, later, you'd be my .
<br>
>7. This feels so good, it feels so right ...
3 Comments,
277 Views,
21 Votes
,4.73 Score
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Blonde joke 7/29/2007
Out on A Limb A blonde, brunette, and redhead are hanging
out on a limb of a cliff As the limb begins to give away the
brunette says, "One of us is going to have to let go
or we will all die." The ...
0 Comments,
80 Views,
4 Votes
,5.19 Score
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Blonde joke 7/28/2007
A couple of blondes were driving through Louisiana when
they came to a sign that told them they were almost to Natchitoches.
They argued all the way there about how to pronounce the
name of the town. Finally they stopped for lunch. after
gettingtheir food, one of the blondes said to the cashier, "Can
you settle an argument for us? Very Slowly, tell us where
we are" ...
1 Comments,
157 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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These cross a line... 7/28/2007
Q. What's the best part of having sex with six year olds?
A. They're six.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Q. Whats the best part of having sex with twentytwo year
olds?
A. There's twenty of 'em.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Q. What's the best part about having sex with ten year
olds in the shower?
A. They look eight when their hair's ...
4 Comments,
141 Views,
11 Votes
,0.55 Score
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Scousers! 7/28/2007
Scousers Vs Manks
One morning, years ago, three Scousers and three Manks
were in a ticket counter line at a train station. The three Manks each bought
a ticket and watched as the three Scousers bought just one ticket.
"How are the three of you going to travel on only one
ticket?" asked one of the Manks.
"Watch and learn, " answered one of the Scousers.
All six ...
1 Comments,
129 Views,
4 Votes
,5.57 Score
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Crude jokes 6/30/2007
Q How do you know when you are getting old? A When you start
having dry dreams and wet farts!
0 Comments,
88 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
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Crude joke 6/30/2007
Q What is better than a cold bud? A A Warm bush!
0 Comments,
118 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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Why are hunters such great lovers 6/25/2007
Q: Why are hunters such great lovers in bed? A: Because they
go deep in the bush, shoot twice and eat everything they
shoot?
0 Comments,
177 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score
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shaking out a rug.... 5/24/2007
a woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor
condo when a sudden gust of wind blew the rug and the woman
over the rail.
"god that was stupid" she thought as she fell
"what a way to die" she thought
as she passed the 14th floor a mam reached and caught her
"Do you fuck?" he asked..
"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could
stop herself..he dropped her
as she ...
1 Comments,
98 Views,
14 Votes
,3.78 Score
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The golden SHARK 5/24/2007
One day the fisherman, was out in sea and caught a golden
shark. The shark then start begging the man to let it go and
promised to grand him one wish. The fisherman already knew
about the magic abilities of the golden fish, so he agreed
to free the golden shark.
"OK now man, you better think hard about this wish,
because it will be only one to be granted with" the
golden shark said. ...
2 Comments,
208 Views,
16 Votes
,3.86 Score
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I Shall seek and find you 4/30/2007
I Shall seek and find you ... I shall take you to bed and control
you... I will make you ache, shake and sweat until you grunt
and groan.....
All my love
The Flu
1 Comments,
234 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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The Experimental Drug 3/30/2007
** Cant take credit for this either found on another site...but
well worth the long read**
"Doc, you've gotta help me! My wife just isn't
interested in sex anymore. Haven't you got a pill or
something I can give her?"
"Look, I can't prescribe..."
"Doc, we've been friends for years. Have you
ever seen me this upset? I am desperate! I ...
1 Comments,
422 Views,
13 Votes
,5.16 Score
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An Octopus 3/30/2007
An octoupus walks into a bar and says " I can play ANY
musical instrument you like".
An Englishman give him a guitar which he plays better than
Jimmy Hendrix.
An Irishman gives him a piano to which he played better than
Elton John.
A Scotsman walks over and throws him a set of bag pipes. The
octopus fumbles about for a couple of minutes and the Scotsman
says " Whats wrong- can ye ...
1 Comments,
269 Views,
13 Votes
,5.49 Score
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Jeffrey and Lorena 3/29/2007
Q. What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbit?
A. "Uhh, you gonna eat that?"
0 Comments,
52 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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A Man comes home early 3/27/2007
A man comes home early and finds his wife in bed asleep. He
lifts up the covers and works his way up to her pussy which
he eats until she comes over his face. He slides out from
under the cover and goes to wash his face, when he opens the
bathroom door his wife is sitting in the bath shaving her
legs.... "What the fuck are you doing in here" he asks......
ssssssh says his wife you will wake ...
1 Comments,
172 Views,
11 Votes
,5.22 Score
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A New style of vibrator 3/25/2007
A new vibrator just out for women is so realistic that just
before she reaches her climax it cums, coughs, farts, goes
limp and then switches itself off !!!
6 Comments,
405 Views,
14 Votes
,3.78 Score
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Sex Problems 3/21/2007
A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having severe
problems with his sex life. The psychiatrist asked him
a lot of questions, but he couldn't get a clear picture
of the problems. Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch
your girlfriend's face while you're having sex?"
"Well, yes, I did once."
"And how did she look?"
"Oh boy, she looked very angry!"
At this point the ...
0 Comments,
128 Views,
8 Votes
,2.78 Score
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church bells 3/20/2007
A 80 year old man died at home sunday morning. A young woman in their church goes by to pay her respects.
She asked how he died and the old woman said "he had
a heart attack and died while we were having sex" "How awful" the young woman says "but,
ain't that kinda asking for it at your age?"
She smiled and said"oh well we thought about that
and he came up with the idea of having sex when ...
0 Comments,
92 Views,
8 Votes
,3.94 Score
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College Student 3/19/2007
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's
final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any
excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider
a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness,
or a death in your immediate family, but that's it,
no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in
the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What
would you say if tomorrow I said I ...
1 Comments,
290 Views,
16 Votes
,5.04 Score
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Whats the difference... 3/15/2007
between chess and sex?
4 Comments,
228 Views,
9 Votes
,0.43 Score
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A Thief, Jesus and Moses 3/4/2007
While a thief was robbing a house late at night he heard something
say, "Jesus is watching you." The thief shinned
his flashlight around the room to see a Parrot in a cage.
The thief asked, "Are you Jesus." To which the
parrot replied, "Ohhhh no, I'm Moses. Jesus
is the Pit Bull who is watching you."
0 Comments,
155 Views,
14 Votes
,5.06 Score
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Italian American Joke 2/18/2007
> > >
> > >A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They
sit down and engage in
> an
> > >animated conversation. The lady sitting
behind them ignores them at
> > >first, but her attention is galvanized when
she hears one of the men
> > >say the
> > >following:
> > >
> > >"Emma come first. Den I ...
1 Comments,
134 Views,
15 Votes
,6.50 Score
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Getting old 2/16/2007
"I've sure gotten old, " Grandpa said.
"I've had two by-pass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm
half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet
engine, take forty different medications that make me
dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts with
dementia, poor circulation, and can hardly feel my hands
and feet anymore. Can't ...
4 Comments,
286 Views,
20 Votes
,3.51 Score
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The Bus Stop 2/16/2007
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman
wearing a tight mini skirt was waiting for a bus.
<br>
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became
aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come
up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed
and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind
her to unzip ...
2 Comments,
166 Views,
14 Votes
,5.22 Score
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Two Priests 2/14/2007
Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress
and step into the showers before they realize there is no
soap.
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it,
not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in
each hand , and heads back to the showers. He is halfway down
the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way.
Having no ...
0 Comments,
281 Views,
14 Votes
,5.22 Score
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