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slaveyearning 43 F
35 Articles
Score 0.0
why dont you diet ?   3/22/2024

fat guy in locker room shower and guy walks in and asks. "how long since you seen your dick " fat guy says ... long time guy says "why dont you diet ? fat guy says " why what color is it now ? <br><br> <br><br> please comment


0 Comments, 29 Views, 20 Votes
DracwulaX 53 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
The Engagement Ring   3/22/2024

The kinky couples had a long & restless weekend, husband uses his free hand & pushes his wife's belly in ward, he said ... "Don't move my love ... I think I found our engagement ring"... he pulls his wrist out of her ass... curious, he then said... "This isn't mine".


0 Comments, 14 Views, 6 Votes ,0.52 Score
tazdawg46 54 M
41 Articles
Score 0.0
toliet paper ...............   3/21/2024

this rabbit is sitting under a tree taking his morning dump and along walks a big bear and leans against the tree and the little rabbit is so scared that he is clinched up too tight to squeeze one out the bear notices him and says morning rabbit to which the rabbit replies m m morning mr bear while trying his best to finish and run away <br><br> the bear grunts a couple times and ...


0 Comments, 3 Views, 0 Votes
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Date Site Descriptions   2/18/2024

You might find this amusing. Dating Site Deriptions What they Really MEAN: !!!! <br><br> Female: Adventurous = puts the book down during sex, . Athletic = No breasts, 30 something = 41, Fun =Annoying, Wild = gets pissed easily, Beautiful eyes = face like a robbers dog, Seeks knight in sinning armour = Ex is a fxxxing nutter., New age = hairy and smelly bits, A bit head strong ...


1 Comments, 21 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
Victorioussf 40 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
I like my women like I like my coffee   2/11/2024

I send it back for not being hot enough!


1 Comments, 28 Views, 23 Votes
Stradolin 56 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
What's the difference?   1/12/2024

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? <br><br> The taste.


1 Comments, 34 Views, 24 Votes ,1.77 Score
Yorksintoon 54 M
4 Articles
Score 0.0
Sex Tape   1/12/2024

My neighbours just made a sex tape. of course, they don't know yet.


1 Comments, 128 Views, 110 Votes
Yorksintoon 54 M
4 Articles
Score 0.0
Give it to me!   1/12/2024

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.


2 Comments, 150 Views, 126 Votes
slaveyearning 43 F
35 Articles
Score 0.0
guaranteed weight loss   9/4/2023

man walking down the street and sees a sign that says guaranteed weight loss. <br><br> he goes inside and sees a real beauty at the desk and asks about the sign and she explains. pay 100.00 and we guarantee 10lbs weight loss in one day. excited he pays her the money and she instructs him to strip off his clothes and go into the room with the green door. inside he finds the most ...


3 Comments, 102 Views, 33 Votes ,1.04 Score
sisyforblackcock 66 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
joke   8/20/2023

question what's better than a dozen roses on a piano <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> answer tulips (two lips) on an organ


1 Comments, 34 Views, 30 Votes
justanotherperv7 27 F
1 Article
Score 0.0
ignore please :P   6/28/2023

taco butt


10 Comments, 369 Views, 301 Votes ,0.28 Score
Bootman622 61 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
The Biker   5/25/2023

A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish. <br><br> The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want." <br><br> The Lord said, ...


1 Comments, 75 Views, 32 Votes ,0.71 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Miracle Cure   5/7/2023

NEW - Miracle Cure!!!





• Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

• Do you suffer from shyness?

• Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?



If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about White Wine.

White Wine is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident ...


1 Comments, 13 Views, 3 Votes ,0.49 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Gas Prices in Paris - Tres Bien!   5/7/2023

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. <br><br> After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van. Only two blocks away, however, he was captured when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, "Monsieur, that is the reason I ...


0 Comments, 18 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
THE HORTH WITHPERER   5/4/2023

Bob calls his buddy Sam, the rancher, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a . Sam asks "How will I recognize him?" "That's easy, he's a midget with a speech impediment." So, the midget shows up, and Sam asks him if he's looking for a male or female . "A female horth." So he shows him a prized filly. "Nith lookin horth. Can I ...


2 Comments, 39 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Files Her Tax Return   5/4/2023

A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. <br><br> The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few questions." He gets her name, address, social security number, and then asks, "What is your occupation?" The woman replies, "I'm a ." The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no. ...


7 Comments, 105 Views, 16 Votes ,4.74 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Getting The Most Out Of Counselling   5/4/2023

After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counselling. They had been at each other's throat for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counsellor's office, the counsellor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. "What seems to be ...


2 Comments, 38 Views, 8 Votes ,2.32 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Get well soon!   5/4/2023

A traffic cop was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch. <br><br> Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at ...


4 Comments, 92 Views, 13 Votes ,4.65 Score
Yorksintoon 54 M
4 Articles
Score 0.0
Sperm   4/19/2023

Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.


1 Comments, 153 Views, 138 Votes
Mr_X75 48 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
How do you piss off Whinney The Pooh?   4/19/2023

Stick two fingers in his honey ...


1 Comments, 85 Views, 67 Votes
Yorksintoon 54 M
4 Articles
Score 0.0
Succeed   4/9/2023

If at first you don't succeed, keep on sucking until you do suck seed.


0 Comments, 168 Views, 150 Votes
MasterP2022 43 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
Mobster joke   2/11/2023

What do you call a mobster who’s buried in cement? A hardened criminal.


1 Comments, 152 Views, 139 Votes
SexyLilTart21 24 F
1 Article
Score 0.0
just coz   12/31/2022

ignore this plz..


1 Comments, 52 Views, 41 Votes ,0.33 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
WELL, I'LL BE GONE   12/21/2022

A guy walks into a bar with his and says, "I'll have a otch and water and my would like a whiskey sour." <br><br> The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't allow animals in here." <br><br> The replies, "Hey, I'm tired of being diriminated against. Just give me a drink." <br><br> The bartender says, "Oh, no, not another ...


1 Comments, 45 Views, 8 Votes ,3.94 Score
Youngknight00 27 M
4 Articles
Score 0.0
Math class   12/20/2022

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" <br><br> Johnny says, "None." <br><br> The teacher asks, "Why?" <br><br> Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." ...


1 Comments, 19 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
lonelymom4play 46 F
1 Article
Score 0.0
hmm   12/20/2022

for points bcoz im poor


4 Comments, 142 Views, 115 Votes ,0.08 Score
MasterP2022 43 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
Fishing   12/19/2022

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.


1 Comments, 177 Views, 153 Votes
chfnut55 68 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
Confronting hate   10/2/2022

hi-speed lead posioning is needed. What is the difference between flying pigs and politicians? The letter F. Three tampons sitting at a bus stop. What do they say to each other? Nothing. They’re stuck-up cunts. All the richest people in Congress are Democrats, ever wonder why?


2 Comments, 79 Views, 54 Votes ,0.08 Score
Rubicon447 63 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
points   10/2/2022

just for points


1 Comments, 111 Views, 102 Votes
UpstateDom30 32 M
3 Articles
Score 0.0
A common theme   9/26/2022

I see a lot of posts for points


1 Comments, 132 Views, 121 Votes
bindswat5 77 M
46 Articles
Score 0.0
Easter   9/8/2022

Why did Jesus die on the cross? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > He forgot his safe word!


5 Comments, 108 Views, 8 Votes ,2.78 Score
staggerlee7819 45 M
3 Articles
Score 0.0
A laughting motorcycle   8/23/2022

What do you call a laughting motorcycle? <br><br> A Yamahahaha


5 Comments, 213 Views, 183 Votes
UpstateDom30 32 M
3 Articles
Score 0.0
A common theme   8/23/2022

I see a lot of posts for points


2 Comments, 97 Views, 85 Votes
jthpbigck69 39 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
Any funny Sex Stories   1/26/2022

Anyone love to share something funny that has occurred in bed?


2 Comments, 159 Views, 140 Votes
thtwtwy765 37 F
3 Articles
Score 0.0
A joke is a short humorous piece of oral literature in which the funniness culminates in the final s   1/7/2022

A joke is a short humorous piece of oral literature in which the funniness culminates in the final sentence, called the punchline… In fact, the main condition is that the tension should reach its highest level at the very end. No continuation relieving the tension should be added. As for its being "oral, " it is true that jokes may appear printed, but when further transferred, there ...


5 Comments, 50 Views, 18 Votes ,4.08 Score
staggerlee7819 45 M
3 Articles
Score 0.0
Airplanes   1/7/2022

I have a joke about airplanes, but it seems to go over peoples heads.


2 Comments, 169 Views, 151 Votes
ClimaxHer 65 M
6 Articles
Score 0.0
Canine quarantine   12/28/2021

The World Health Organization, W.H.O., is concerned that the new virus will spread to dogs. Therefore they have ordered all dogs worldwide to be quarantined for 14 to keep dogs safe from the new covid virus. 15 days from now you can release your out of quarantine, and then you can sing "W.H.O. let the dogs out?"


6 Comments, 124 Views, 103 Votes
ClimaxHer 65 M
6 Articles
Score 0.0
Mask-cott   10/25/2021

If we boycott the mask mandates, can we that a "Mask-cott"?


2 Comments, 155 Views, 140 Votes
Rubicon447 63 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
Bad dad joke   9/27/2021

What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire!


4 Comments, 142 Views, 123 Votes
tazdawg46 54 M
41 Articles
Score 0.0
blonde school teacher   8/29/2021

a young blonde school teacher was trying to make her students understand blood circulation. after going over what the books said a couple of times she realized it was going to take more effort on her part to make them understand. since she was wearing pants she stood on her head against the wall for couple minutes. then she asked a couple of students to come up and make observations. one of them ...


2 Comments, 215 Views, 110 Votes ,0.26 Score
jollygreenj1 66 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
kinsey   8/29/2021

Anyone else old enough remember the movie ""? They claimed Revel's Bolero was THE choice in banging music. Awhile later Kinsey did A study and OMG Bolero was America's choice. Incredibly enough for Gay Men their choice was also a classical piece the "William Bend Overture".


4 Comments, 254 Views, 223 Votes ,0.05 Score
ClimaxHer 65 M
6 Articles
Score 0.0
Vaccine joke   8/29/2021

If we get our Covid vaccine shot in our butt, can we call that shot a "Butta-Fauci?"


3 Comments, 173 Views, 158 Votes
staggerlee7819 45 M
3 Articles
Score 0.0
bad joke   8/29/2021

man walks into a bar.... ouch!


2 Comments, 169 Views, 136 Votes
ForbiddenStudent 38 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
Canadian joke   6/14/2021

How do you upset a Canadian? In conversation, say "oh, you meant ice hockey."


9 Comments, 300 Views, 238 Votes ,0.49 Score
jf23231 53 M
3 Articles
Score 0.0
The doctor is in   4/30/2021

Knock knock


5 Comments, 65 Views, 37 Votes ,1.04 Score
Stradolin 56 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
Why?   4/28/2021

Why do women wake up and rub their eyes? <br><br> Because they don't have any balls to scratch.


6 Comments, 280 Views, 231 Votes ,0.73 Score
RBlu1 49 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
How many good people   2/21/2021

Does it take to find


4 Comments, 245 Views, 197 Votes ,0.28 Score
daddy2_fuk_u 64 M
3 Articles
Score 0.0
Ladies and Gentlemen   2/2/2021

I give you all. <br><br> Joke ends


1 Comments, 59 Views, 48 Votes
jtpbigcck69 39 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
Dirty jokes   1/24/2021

Anyone have good dirty jokes to share? lol


2 Comments, 85 Views, 71 Votes
Guard_u 43 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
Making jokes of others 01   8/23/2020

Telling jokes so every one laughs is one thing, making fun of someone is another. Making something thats funny a joke is something else than making him a joke ! ty


3 Comments, 194 Views, 177 Votes ,0.63 Score
coffeebuddy4u 54 M
0 Articles
Score 0.0
Hunting Season   6/29/2020

A father goes hunting for some deer and he nails a beautiful 1o point buck butt does a bad job cleaning the meat when he makes it for dinner. His wife comes by later and says "Dear I was masturbating and I found a pellet." He thinks nothing of it and tell her not to worry about it. Later his comes by says she got horny and found a pellet when she tried to fuck herself. He thinks ...


3 Comments, 275 Views, 155 Votes ,1.37 Score
ForbiddenStudent 38 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
A dad joke   6/12/2020

Did you hear about the Victoria's secret in Canada? They are thinking of changing their name to 'Panty Hosers'.


5 Comments, 176 Views, 144 Votes ,1.06 Score
Guard_u 43 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
Making jokes of others 02   4/17/2020

I can imagine why some people make jokes of others.... Bottom line is that most of them have low self-esteem. What do u think ?


1 Comments, 184 Views, 166 Votes ,0.55 Score
Stradolin 56 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
How Many?   3/19/2020

How many guitarists does it take change a light bulb? <br><br> . change it and 10 sit around and say, "I could have changed that way better!"


1 Comments, 97 Views, 86 Votes ,1.66 Score
iwant2useu_uk 50 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
... dad joke ...   3/6/2020

"How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!"


1 Comments, 56 Views, 49 Votes ,0.57 Score
SoliceFun 40 M
0 Articles
Score 0.0
Small get together   1/23/2020

: There will be a small gathering in the school tomorrow. Please come. Dad: What do you mean? Who will be there? : Only you, me, and the school principal.


3 Comments, 116 Views, 12 Votes ,3.33 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Blonde Painting   1/23/2020

One day a blonde comes out of the tanning salon. She wants to make some money so she goes to one of the rich neighborhoods. She rings the door bell and says, "HI, is there anything I could do for your house or you???" <br><br> The man thinks and says, "Sure, can paint my porch. You will find all the stuff in the garage." <br><br> The girl says, ...


2 Comments, 37 Views, 7 Votes ,3.80 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
My First Time   1/23/2020

It was my first time ever And I'll never forget I'd do it again Without a single regret. <br><br> The sky was dark The moon was high We were all alone Just she and I. <br><br> Her hair was soft Her eyes were blue I knew just what She wanted to do. <br><br> Her skin so soft Her legs so fine I ran my fingers Down her spine. <br><br> I ...


3 Comments, 35 Views, 6 Votes ,4.50 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
The Golfer and the Leprechaun.   1/23/2020

An American golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him. "Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked. "I'm afraid I hit you ...


1 Comments, 37 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Confession   1/23/2020

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession. <br><br> When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, The man said: 'Father ... During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.' ...


2 Comments, 49 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
tazdawg46 54 M
41 Articles
Score 0.0
reposession   1/23/2020

A guy a work always wrote a check to his ex wife first before making a boat payment rent or even buying groceries. We all kidded him about it and said boy that must be some good pussy to want to get it back that bad. We watched every friday at lunch he'd sit down and write her a check and he would leave straight from work and take it right to her. I sort of felt sorry for the guy taking so much ...


3 Comments, 133 Views, 10 Votes ,3.78 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Tattoo   1/16/2020

A very tall man walks into a bar, and a lady recognizes him as a basketball player. They start to talk, and eventually, go back to his place. They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt. On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK. 'What's that?' the lady questions. 'Oh, I have this so that when I'm on TV, people will see my tattoo, and Reebok pays me.' ...


3 Comments, 81 Views, 15 Votes ,4.82 Score
Niceblueeeyes36 47 M
9 Articles
Score 0.0
Barred   1/8/2020

walks into a bar. <br><br> Barman:- "why the long face?" <br><br> (:- "Haven't got enough points to chat to someone...")


3 Comments, 22 Views, 14 Votes ,1.54 Score
iwant2useu_uk 50 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
Dad Joke...   1/8/2020

What’s Beethoven doing in his grave... <br><br> De-composing


2 Comments, 17 Views, 13 Votes ,1.30 Score
Niceblueeeyes36 47 M
9 Articles
Score 0.0
Hoping to make a good point.....   1/8/2020

<br><br> . <br><br> . <br><br> <br><br> . <br><br> . <br><br> . <br><br> . <br><br> . .... or 2 or 3.


2 Comments, 20 Views, 12 Votes ,0.86 Score
Niceblueeeyes36 47 M
9 Articles
Score 0.0
Barred2   1/3/2020

Bear walks into a bar. <br><br> Bear:- "one pint of .......................... beer please" <br><br> Barman:- "why the long pause?" <br><br> (Bear:- "waiting for more points")


2 Comments, 33 Views, 25 Votes ,1.47 Score
Niceblueeeyes36 47 M
9 Articles
Score 0.0
What goes up, and never comes down?..........................   12/23/2019

<br><br> . <br><br> . <br><br> . <br><br> . <br><br> . ..... the amount of points needed to chat to someone on IM!!


3 Comments, 12 Views, 5 Votes ,4.77 Score
Bbc4creampie 34 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
pirate pay   12/5/2019

how much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook? an arm and a leg.


2 Comments, 13 Views, 10 Votes ,2.19 Score
Bbc4creampie 34 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
corner warmup   11/29/2019

why should you sit in a corner when you get cold? because most corners are 90 degrees.


2 Comments, 16 Views, 9 Votes ,2.57 Score
iwant2useu_uk 50 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
cheesy joke....   11/14/2019

Where did you learn how to make ice cream? At sundae school.


2 Comments, 8 Views, 6 Votes ,1.94 Score
knott4milfs 30 M
13 Articles
Score 0.0
watching   11/12/2019

watching drunk bitches get drunk and start to fight and watching them fight is funny


0 Comments, 7 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
u_serve_me_now 47 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
Chuck Norris   10/27/2019

When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he already had three missed calls by Chuck Norris!


2 Comments, 12 Views, 7 Votes ,2.02 Score
iwant2useu_uk 50 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
dad joke....   10/26/2019

"Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot."


1 Comments, 6 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
u_serve_me_now 47 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do?   10/26/2019

How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do? <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> ... all! hahahah!


1 Comments, 13 Views, 9 Votes ,1.29 Score
Niceblueeeyes36 47 M
9 Articles
Score 0.0
make your point   10/20/2019

Hoping to make lots of points here.


1 Comments, 6 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
Verycherry111 44 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
Points   10/20/2019

Hey there, points points points.


2 Comments, 12 Views, 6 Votes ,1.37 Score
dog4milfs12 23 M
12 Articles
Score 0.0
looking at you   10/14/2019

looking for a woman here can be very hard because all they want is what they prefer there wants most of the ladies here don;t even realize that they are way off on there wants there nothing here that is perfect you want all that tell we see your picture and we see that your fucking joking ladies wake up this is not fantasy world your not everything you though you where believe most men here at ...


0 Comments, 16 Views, 9 Votes ,1.29 Score
jf23231a 53 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
Knock Knock   9/7/2019

whos there ?


3 Comments, 26 Views, 11 Votes ,0.92 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Good Ears   8/16/2019

A young man moved into his first new apartment on his own, and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor broke into ...


1 Comments, 45 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Born When?   6/21/2019

I was chatting to this girl in the pub last night and told her of my uncanny ability to be able to tell the day any woman was born, simply by holding their breasts in my hands. <br><br> She thought I was having her on but was nonetheless very curious. <br><br> Eventually curiosity got the better of her and she said “Oh go-on then, give it a go!” <br><br> I ...


3 Comments, 58 Views, 10 Votes ,3.39 Score
meki871987 36 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
I always laugth on this   6/21/2019

This reminds me, when i was tied up by the first time, and suddenly I had to go to the bathroom, but I couldn't


6 Comments, 118 Views, 22 Votes ,6.37 Score
1justinit4fun 53 M
10 Articles
Score 0.0
Affair   5/25/2019

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to ...


1 Comments, 68 Views, 41 Votes ,7.00 Score
1justinit4fun 53 M
10 Articles
Score 0.0
The Drinking Irishmen   5/25/2019

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each on in turn. When he finished them, he comes back into to the bar and orders three more. <br> The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "Well, ...


1 Comments, 68 Views, 52 Votes ,7.70 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Organist   4/5/2019

A small church had a very attractive big- busted organist and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. <br><br> Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist. <br><br> <br><br> So, one ...


1 Comments, 47 Views, 11 Votes ,5.04 Score
ToniBiM 63 M
0 Articles
Score 0.0
ER Visit   1/24/2019

A man goes into the ER complaining of anal pain. The doctor orders x-rays to see what's going on. When reviewing the x-rays they notice 3 plastic heads inside the man's ass. The nurse looks at the doctor and says... <br><br> "Doctor, will he be alright?" <br><br> The doctor replies.... <br><br> "Don't worry nurse he's ...


1 Comments, 28 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
AlphaLthr 74 F
36 Articles
Score 0.0
Crumbled Money///   12/23/2018

While enjoying their evening cocktails, the wife asks her husband, in a very seductive voice, "Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?" "No, " said her husband. <br><br> She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and pulled out a ...


1 Comments, 32 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
pack3rs 55 T
7 Articles
Score 0.0
Teacher Arrested   11/5/2018

Teacher Arrested



A public school teacher was arrested today at Heathrow International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Theresa May said she believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.

she did not identify the man, ...


1 Comments, 19 Views, 4 Votes ,5.19 Score
AlphaLthr 74 F
36 Articles
Score 0.0
The Statues...   10/30/2018

A statue of a naked woman and a naked man stand in a park at night. Suddenly from out of nowhere, a magical genie arrives and grants the statues each one wish to be fulfilled. Both the female and male statues agree on 15 minutes as a real man and woman in the bushes behind them to "get things done." The genie gives a knowing grin and grants the wish. The man and woman immediately jump behind the ...


2 Comments, 76 Views, 8 Votes ,2.55 Score
1justinit4fun 53 M
10 Articles
Score 0.0
Honeymoon Parrot   10/25/2018

A honeymooning couple had purchased a talking parrot and taken it to their room, where much to the groom's annoyance, the bird kept up a running commentary on their love-making. Finally the groom threw a large towel over the cage and threatened to give the parrot to the zoo if he didn't quit it. <br> The next morning, packing to return home, the couple couldn't close a ...


1 Comments, 78 Views, 76 Votes ,7.73 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
My Travel Plans for 2018-2019   10/18/2018

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. <br><br> I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there. <br><br> I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my , ...


1 Comments, 23 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
evansjih 35 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
All idiot   10/16/2018

Teacher: All idiots stand up. A boy stands up. Teacher: So you are an idiot? Boy: No. I can’t bear your standing alone Sir.


3 Comments, 91 Views, 10 Votes ,5.18 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
AN OVERWEIGHT BLONDE   10/13/2018

An overweight blonde went to see her doctor for some advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds. <br><br> The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the whole twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for ...


1 Comments, 41 Views, 14 Votes ,3.94 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
A Drunk   10/13/2018

A drunk walks out of a bar with akey in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, 'Can I help you Sir?' 'Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr', the man replies. The cop asks, 'Where was your car the last time you saw it?' 'It wasss on the end of thisshh key', the man replies. About that time the cop looks down ...


1 Comments, 38 Views, 10 Votes ,4.98 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Three Little Pigs   10/12/2018

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order. <br><br> 'I would like a Sprite, ' said the first little piggy. <br><br> <br><br> ! 'I would like a Coke, ' said the second little piggy. <br><br> 'I want beer, lots and lots of beer, ' said the third little piggy. ...


3 Comments, 32 Views, 6 Votes ,2.23 Score
Wetnwanton 46 F
1 Article
Score 0.0
Flowers   9/5/2018

One sunny day a blonde and a brunette were passing by a flower shop on their way to work. The brunette happened to see her hubby buy a bouquet of flowers and overheard him say to the clerk "Have the card say, to my beatiful wife"

The brunette turns to the blonde and says "Damn, now i'm going to have to spend the whole weekend with my legs in the air!"

To which the blonde replies ...


3 Comments, 275 Views, 20 Votes ,5.55 Score
AlphaLthr 74 F
36 Articles
Score 0.0
Disappointed...   8/11/2018

A teacher asked her 6th grade class: “Who can tell me, which human organ becomes 10 times bigger when it’s stimulated?” <br><br> Maria stood up, bright red and angry, and said “How can you ask such a question? I’m telling my parents and they’re going to get you fired!” <br><br> The teacher was shocked by the outburst, but decided to ignore it. She asked the ...


4 Comments, 38 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
The Silent Treatment   8/10/2018

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00am for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00am" and left it where he knew she would find ...


0 Comments, 49 Views, 8 Votes ,3.25 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
YOU CAN'T FOOL THE IRISH.......   8/8/2018

Mrs O'Brien comes to visit her Seamus for 3 days in Dublin where he is studying. She finds out that her lives with Vikki, a girl roomate. Mrs O'Brien couldn't help but notice how pretty Seamus's room-mate was. She suspects of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Reading his Mum's thoughts, Seamus volunteered, "I know what you must ...


2 Comments, 19 Views, 9 Votes ,3.21 Score
PussiKontrol 54 F
1 Article
Score 0.0
What did the duck say to the ?   8/4/2018

Put it on my BILL!


5 Comments, 38 Views, 11 Votes ,3.92 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Main Vice President   7/19/2018

Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. <br><br> Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!". <br><br> "Really?" he said. Not sure if this was ...


1 Comments, 22 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
AlphaLthr 74 F
36 Articles
Score 0.0
No more a Virgin   7/19/2018

No more a Virgin <br><br> The family is at the dining table. The little 10-year-old girl does not eat and has her nose in her plate…. <br><br> After a few moments, she says, “I’ve something to tell you people” <br><br> Silence around the table. “I’m no longer virgin”, and she begins to cry. A long silence again. <br><br> And then… ...


2 Comments, 36 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
AlphaLthr 74 F
36 Articles
Score 0.0
Little Sally   7/13/2018

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face, and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!"... Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut... " Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked, "Really small, was it?" Sally replied, "No, salty." Mom ...


3 Comments, 25 Views, 6 Votes ,5.07 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Honesty   7/11/2018

A girl says to her mother "I know where babies come from Mummy. Sarah told me." Her mother replied "And where is that, dear?" The girl says "She said that you put Daddy's thing in your mouth, and stuff comes out, and goes in your belly and that's where babies grow." Her mother corrected her "No dear, that's where jewelry comes from."


1 Comments, 28 Views, 10 Votes ,4.38 Score
AlphaLthr 74 F
36 Articles
Score 0.0
Italian Honeymoon...   7/11/2018

The Italian Honeymoon... <br><br> After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped by his barbershop in Jersey to say hello to his old friends... Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wasa da treep?" Luigi said, "Everyting perfecto, except for da traina ride..." "Whata you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni. "Well, we ...


2 Comments, 32 Views, 8 Votes ,3.71 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Finally a sensitive man   6/16/2018

A woman meets a good-looking man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There ! are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering the ...


1 Comments, 48 Views, 12 Votes ,5.98 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Holiday Present   6/8/2018

Bob's wife is going off to Paris for a long weekend with her girlfriends. As he drives her to the airport, she says to him: <br><br> "Is there anything you'd like me to bring you back from Paris?" <br><br> Bob thinks about it for a while, and then jokes, "How about you bring me back a cute little French girl?" <br><br> Bob's wife ...


1 Comments, 39 Views, 11 Votes ,4.29 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
YOU CAN'T FOOL THE IRISH.......   5/30/2018

Mrs O'Brien comes to visit her Seamus for 3 days in Dublin where he is studying. She finds out that her lives with Vikki, a girl roomate. Mrs O'Brien couldn't but notice how pretty Seamus's room-mate was. She suspects of a relationship between the , and this had only made her more curious. Reading his Mum's thoughts, Seamus volunteered, "I know what you must be ...


0 Comments, 22 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
THE BOTTLE OF WINE   5/30/2018

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine: Mary was driving home from of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet , she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman ...


0 Comments, 25 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
THE CORK   5/30/2018

Arab terrorists were in a locker room taking a shower after their bomb making class in Toronto, when notices the other has a huge cork stuck in his arse. If you do not mind me saying, " stated the second, "that cork looks very uncomfortable. Why don't you take it out?" I regret I cannot", lamented the first Arab. "It is permanently stuck in my arse." "I do ...


0 Comments, 34 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Underwear dust   5/30/2018

evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!' <br><br> His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded. <br><br> The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. ...


2 Comments, 49 Views, 9 Votes ,2.14 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Photo on the night stand   5/30/2018

After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman's nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry. <br><br> 'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks. <br><br> 'No, silly, ' she replies, snuggling up to him. <br><br> 'Your boyfriend, then?' he continues. <br><br> 'No, not at all, ...


1 Comments, 28 Views, 8 Votes ,3.25 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
A smart blonde!   5/29/2018

A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know, " he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk." The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to ...


2 Comments, 40 Views, 8 Votes ,3.25 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
A LITTLE BRITISH HUMOUR   5/28/2018

The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well> dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?' The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular 'Americans> are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.' The ...


1 Comments, 35 Views, 10 Votes ,4.78 Score
chaosridden 33 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
:P pointless   5/28/2018

Baka la a derka derka


1 Comments, 6 Views, 2 Votes ,0.34 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Cowboy   5/28/2018

Cowboy: GIVE ME 3 PACKETS OF CONDOMS PLEASE. <br><br> CASHIER: DO YOU NEED A PAPER BAG SIR? <br><br> Cowboy: NAH... SHE AIN'T THAT UGLY!


1 Comments, 17 Views, 6 Votes ,1.66 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
WHEELIE BIN   4/19/2018

A dustman is going along a street picking up the wheelie bins and emptying them into his dustcart. He gets to one house where the bin hasn't been left out so he has a quick look for it, (unusual I know), goes round the back but still can't see it, so he knocks on the door. There's no answer so he knocks again. Eventually a Japanese bloke answers... "Harro", says the ...


1 Comments, 22 Views, 8 Votes ,3.01 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
The Vicar's Salary.   4/16/2018

The local Vicar explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave. <br><br> Mike Smith, who owns several car dealerships, stands up and proclaims: 'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their !' ...


1 Comments, 32 Views, 6 Votes ,1.94 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Disappointed   4/16/2018

A teacher asked her 6th grade class: “Who can tell me, which human organ becomes 10 times bigger when it’s stimulated?” <br><br> Maria stood up, bright red and angry, and said “How can you ask such a question? I’m telling my parents and they’re going to get you fired!” <br><br> The teacher was shocked by the outburst, but decided to ignore it. She asked the ...


1 Comments, 33 Views, 9 Votes ,2.57 Score
Youngknight00 27 M
4 Articles
Score 0.0
Blowjobs   4/16/2018

A husband comes home to find his wife packing a suitcase <br><br> "Where are you going?" He asked <br><br> "Las Vegas" she said' " You can get $400 for a blowjob there, so i figured i would get paid for something i give you for free" <br><br> "Hold on" He said " im coming too, i want to see you survive on only ...


1 Comments, 20 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
AlphaLthr 74 F
36 Articles
Score 0.0
THE SPOON AND THE STRING   4/14/2018

A timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference for an organization. <br><br> Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. <br><br> When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he Also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I ...


1 Comments, 17 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
InderioMinx 54 F
3 Articles
Score 0.0
everyone has limits...   3/21/2018

'Of course I won't laugh, ' said the nurse. 'I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.'

'Okay then, ' said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'man thingy' the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than an AAA battery.

Unable to control herselff, the nurse started giggling, then fell to ...


1 Comments, 132 Views, 8 Votes ,4.41 Score
AlphaLthr 74 F
36 Articles
Score 0.0
Crabs...   3/3/2018

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde flight attendant to take care of them for him. <br><br> She took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator. <br><br> He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in an arrogant manner that he was a lawyer and ...


4 Comments, 36 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
Youngknight00 27 M
4 Articles
Score 0.0
Apples   3/3/2018

A bus driver and a doctor were in love with the same women <br><br> The bus driver had to leave for week and before he left he gave is love 7 apples


1 Comments, 23 Views, 5 Votes ,0.53 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Crosses   3/3/2018

What do you get if you cross a bullet and a tree with no leaves? A cartridge in a bare tree. <br><br> What would you get if you crossed a bat with a lly hearts club? Lots of blind dates. <br><br> What would you get if you crossed a donkey with an owl? A smart ass which knows it all. <br><br> What would you get if you crossed a mole with a porcupine? A tunnel ...


1 Comments, 17 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Mice   2/24/2018

Mice How Many Mice Does It Take To Screw In A Light Bulb? <br><br> Now, wait a minute, before you scroll down for the answer, see if you can figure this out. Come on... Think about it! How many? <br><br> All right, if you think you're really ready to give up... <br><br> but you're going to be very embarrassed.. <br><br> <br><br> ...


1 Comments, 25 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Leaving Early   1/15/2018

women all worked in the same office, with the same female boss. Each day they noticed that the boss would leave work early. day, the women decided, that when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never ed, or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early. <br><br> The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, ed ...


0 Comments, 22 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
I want to see something really cheap   12/27/2017

After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. <br><br> <br><br> "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50. <br><br> "That's a bit much, " said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30. ...


1 Comments, 21 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Ethel   12/24/2017

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in. day Ethel was speeding up corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his ...


1 Comments, 21 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Onions And Christmas Trees   12/10/2017

A family is at the dinner table. The asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there? <br><br> The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, , there are kinds of Boobs: <br><br> In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm. <br><br> In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. ...


0 Comments, 28 Views, 5 Votes ,5.10 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Trouble sleeping   12/6/2017

The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked. <br><br> "Well, I, uh, " she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac." <br><br> "I see, " he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour." <br><br> "That's not ...


1 Comments, 38 Views, 10 Votes ,3.58 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
This old wino   12/6/2017

This old wino staggers into a bar and the barman immediately told him to get out. The said that he would only leave if the barman gave him a cocktail stick. The barman, thinking this was a fair exchange, gladly gave the man a cocktail stick and watched him stagger back outside. <br><br> A minute later another old wino walked into the bar and got asked to leave by the barman. This ...


1 Comments, 24 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Elderly Couple   12/6/2017

An elderly couple who were both widowed had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the ...


1 Comments, 26 Views, 8 Votes ,4.41 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Frozen Wimdows   12/6/2017

Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning: "Windows frozen." Husband texts back: "pour some luke warm water over it." <br><br> Wife texts back: <br><br> <br><br> "computer completely fucked now."


1 Comments, 23 Views, 9 Votes ,5.35 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Deodoranjt   12/5/2017

I got a new stick deodorant today. The instructions said: Remove cap and push up bottom. I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells lovely.


1 Comments, 13 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Paddy   12/5/2017

Paddy walks into his GP's surgery and punches doctor! He then shouts "You bastrd telling my wife she has a nice fanny!" The doctor says "I told her she's got acute angina..!"


1 Comments, 17 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Mick & Paddy   12/5/2017

Mick met Paddy in the street and said, 'Paddy, will you draw your bedroom curtains before making love to your wife in future?' 'Bejaysus Why?' Paddy asked. 'Because, ' said Mick, 'the whole street was laughing when they saw you making love yesterday.' Paddy said, 'Stupid bastards, the laugh's on them ... I wasn't home yesterday.'


1 Comments, 21 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Trained   12/5/2017

An old man who'd lived all his life back up in the hills came to visit a childhood friend. Now he'd never laid eyes on a train or the iron rails on which they run. Standing in the middle of the tracks one day, he heard a distant whistle... WOOOO--ooo---OOOOO! but didn't have a clue as to what it meant or his impending danger. Predictably, the old boy is hit -- fortunately ...


1 Comments, 22 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
ONLY IN SCOTLAND   12/5/2017

A Scottish soldier in full dress marches into a pharmacy to speak to the chemist. The Scot opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandana, opens it to reveal a smaller silk square which he unfolds to reveal a condom. The condom has a number of patches on it. He holds it up. 'How much to repair it?' the Scot asks the pharmacist.'Six pence, ' says the chemist. ...


1 Comments, 21 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Looks of Disappointment   12/5/2017

A Irishman was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're truly beautiful." Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're really cute." The wife was ...


1 Comments, 24 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Vely Good   11/20/2017

A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating. <br><br> She yells, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?" <br><br> One of the Japanese men explains, "Can't you see? We are all berry hungry." <br><br> The waitress ...


1 Comments, 31 Views, 9 Votes ,2.57 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
A Few Thoughts For You   11/20/2017

• Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad. Norm Papernick • Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons? • Why is the man who invests all your money called a 'Broker'? • Why isn't there a mouse flavoured cat food? • Why do they call the airport ...


1 Comments, 14 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Random Jokes   11/19/2017

Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK! <br><br> <br><br> The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part. <br><br> I've accidentally ...


1 Comments, 15 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Fake two dollar bill   11/6/2017

On my way home from the second job I've taken for the extra holiday cash I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my wallet is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of the cash I have on my person. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about people getting upset with me. <br><br> ME: "Hi, I'd like one seven layer ...


0 Comments, 18 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Jewish Divorce   10/29/2017

A jewish girl calls her mother : 'Mum, I'm getting a divorce'. 'A divorce? Why?' replied the shocked mother. 'Mum, all he wants his anal sex. I used to have a lovely little arsehole, the size of a 5p piece. Now its the size of a 50p piece'. The mother replies 'Sweetie, you have a lovely home, a Porsche, a platinum credit card and have 4 foreign holidays a year.... ...


0 Comments, 21 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Survey   10/13/2017

In a recent blowjob survey 7% of the men said they like the feeling. 10% said they like the power and control. The rest just enjoyed the peace and quiet.


1 Comments, 6 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
The Lonely Widow   10/3/2017

Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss ...


0 Comments, 18 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Divorce Letter   9/21/2017

Dear Husband: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, ...


1 Comments, 29 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
EATING IN THE FIFTIES   9/20/2017

* Pasta had not been invented. * Curry was an unknown entity. * Olive oil was kept in the medicine cabinet * Spices came from the Middle East where we believed that they were used for embalming * Herbs were used to make rather dodgy medicine. * A Takeaway was a mathematical problem. * A Pizza was something to do with a leaning tower. * Bananas and oranges only appeared at Christmas time. * The ...


1 Comments, 19 Views, 2 Votes ,0.34 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
The Irish v. The French!   8/24/2017

The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings. <br><br> 'Hallo, Mr. Sarkozy!' a heavily accented voice said. 'This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you! We voted to reject the Lisbon treaty!' 'Well Paddy, Sarkozy replied. How big is your army?' ...


0 Comments, 16 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
EVEN MORE BLONDE QUESTIONS ANSWERED   8/20/2017

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain ? A: Gifted! Q: How do blonde braincells die? A: Alone. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A: Pregnant. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde? A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence. Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders? A: Because they ...


1 Comments, 13 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Dear Alcohol   6/9/2017

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holiday's hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that ...


2 Comments, 20 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
AlphaLthr 74 F
36 Articles
Score 0.0
Sad Dick...   3/12/2017

A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.


2 Comments, 30 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
AlphaLthr 74 F
36 Articles
Score 0.0
Oy-vay   3/12/2017

A guy turns to his wife in bed and whispers, "Did you know it's National Orgasm Day?"

"Oh, what a pity, " she said, "Right in the middle of National Headache Week."


2 Comments, 26 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
One Wprd Or Two   2/23/2017

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.

Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.

Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally, the old gentleman ...


1 Comments, 30 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
PussiKontrol 54 F
1 Article
Score 0.0
What did the psychiatrist say to the naked crazy man wrapped in Saran Wrap?   2/19/2017

I can CLEARLY see your('re) NUTS!


1 Comments, 18 Views, 8 Votes ,2.78 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Riddles with an X in front of the rated!   1/20/2017

Apologies if some are a little crass but some of them are gold! . . . . X-RATED RIDDLES Q. What's a mixed feeling? A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car. ============================================= Q. What's the height of conceit? A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name. ============================================= Q. What's the definition of macho? ...


1 Comments, 31 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
AlphaLthr 74 F
36 Articles
Score 0.0
Screwed...   1/18/2017

A guy asked a girl in a university library: “Do you mind if I sit beside you?”

The girl replied with a loud voice: “I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!”

All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy’s table and said: “I study psychology, and I know ...


0 Comments, 60 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
AlphaLthr 74 F
36 Articles
Score 0.0
Young Couple...   1/18/2017

A young couple, on the brink of divorce, visits a marriage counsellor. The counsellor asks the wife, “What’s the problem?”

She says, “My husband suffers from premature ejaculation.”

The counsellor turns to her husband and inquires, “Is that true?”

The husband replies, “Well not exactly, she’s the one that suffers, not me.”


0 Comments, 38 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
AlphaLthr 74 F
36 Articles
Score 0.0
About Laying Off...   1/4/2017

Two managers are going over their budget for the next year... After analyzing expenses and revenues, they come to the conclusion that they will have to lay off one of their two assistants, Jack or Ann...

They go back and forth but can't decide who to lay off... Finally, one manager decides that they should lay off the first person who gets up from their desk...

In the meantime, ...


1 Comments, 77 Views, 8 Votes ,4.41 Score
Armstrong2 78 M
6 Articles
Score 0.0
Satisfaction   1/2/2017

The masochist says to the sadist "Hit me." The sadist hits , and they are both satisfied.

The masochist says to the sadist "I want you to hit me." The sadist says "I won't", and they are both satisfied.


1 Comments, 21 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
AlphaLthr 74 F
36 Articles
Score 0.0
Watch what you ask for   8/25/2016

Watch what you ask for

A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter.

The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag.

The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one foot high and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well. He reaches ...


1 Comments, 38 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
AlphaLthr 74 F
36 Articles
Score 0.0
The Complment...   8/25/2016

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'


1 Comments, 19 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
AlphaLthr 74 F
36 Articles
Score 0.0
How old guys pick up women   7/27/2016

The young man asked the senior citizen for tips on how to pick up women.

The old gentleman explained...

I am getting on in years and not the best looking guy anymore. Some would even say I'm a little frayed around the edges.

But, I have a nice car, a little money, and I spend most of my time casually traveling from place to place and enjoying life.

I met a nice ...


1 Comments, 55 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
AlphaLthr 74 F
36 Articles
Score 0.0
Hard Times...   7/25/2016

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she’ll become a . She’s not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I’ll be parked around the corner.” She’s standing there for 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, “How much?” She says, “A ...


0 Comments, 65 Views, 9 Votes ,4.92 Score
AlphaLthr 74 F
36 Articles
Score 0.0
OMG!!!.... Noooooooo!!!   7/7/2016

He's in trouble...


1 Comments, 137 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
AlphaLthr 74 F
36 Articles
Score 0.0
Bubba and thr toilet brush...   6/7/2016

Bubba and the Toilet Brush

One day when Bubba and Billy Bob were in the Little Rock - Wal-Mart, they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle. They each bought five tickets at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize.

Billy Bob won 1st place - a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra long spaghetti.

Bubba won ...


1 Comments, 40 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
AlphaLthr 74 F
36 Articles
Score 0.0
Out of Bounds...   5/13/2016

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"

One student raised his hand and asked, "How much for a season ...


1 Comments, 45 Views, 7 Votes ,2.79 Score
cockbait 46 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
Origin of the wood "Boob"   10/10/2015

Q: What is the origin of the word "Boob"? A: The "B" is the aerial view, the "oo" is the front view, the "b" is the side view.


1 Comments, 26 Views, 5 Votes ,2.16 Score
nowhome34952 64 M
4 Articles
Score 0.0
How to Catch a Polar Bear   5/27/2015

First you cut a hole in the ice. Then you encircle it with peas. When the polar bear takes a pea you kick him in the ice hole. Ha Ha Ha


2 Comments, 24 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Blondes on Honeymoon   5/2/2015

A Mother had three virgin blonde daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period.

Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first blonde girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but ...


3 Comments, 209 Views, 12 Votes ,5.27 Score
JackAlanHyde 67 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
Confessions   5/2/2015

A young couple, just married, are driving off to their honeymoon getaway. As they drive, the husband says to his bride, "Honey, I have a little confession to make."

"What is it?" she asked.

"Well, you know a couple of weeks ago, when we were at my parents' place for dinner, and it got late, and they said you could spend the night in the guest room? I remembered you saying that ...


0 Comments, 62 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
JackAlanHyde 67 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
Suspicion   5/2/2015

A guy is talking with his new neighbor, who just moved in a few weeks ago. "Say, Joe, you look down. What's the problem?"

Joe, the new neighbor, says, "Well, I think my wife is cheating on me."

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, when I first started working for my company, I was in Louisville. Then about two years ago I got a transfer to St. Louis. Last year I was ...


0 Comments, 57 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
ARW00 66 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
The differance   5/2/2015

What is the differance between a woman and a frying pan????









There isnt any. They both have to be hot before you put the meat in


0 Comments, 12 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Which Do You Prefer?   1/29/2015

Last night I was talking to a young, good looking woman.

She asked me if I preferred breasts or legs.

I told her what I really liked was a shaved fanny

Apparently I'm not welcome back at KFC.


3 Comments, 31 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Which Do You Prefer?   12/7/2014

Last night I was talking to a young, good looking woman.

She asked me if I preferred breasts or legs.

I told her what I really liked was a shaved fanny

Apparently I'm not welcome back at KFC.


2 Comments, 30 Views, 6 Votes ,4.50 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Tickle Me Elmo   10/29/2014

Tickle Me Elmo:

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.

The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to ...


1 Comments, 135 Views, 6 Votes ,5.07 Score
_Magnum 63 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
The bear   10/29/2014

A bear walks into a bar and says "bartender, give me a beer!" The bartender looks at him and shakes his head, "I'm sorry sir, its against the policy of this bar to serve beer to bears." The bear frowned and slammed his paw down and said "I don't care, I want a beer and give it to me now!" The bartender simple shook his head, "I'm sorry sir, its posted and this bar will serve no beers to bears" ...


1 Comments, 191 Views, 9 Votes ,1.29 Score
DarkDominus44 58 M
4 Articles
Score 0.0
Cricket Rules - made easy!   5/30/2013

You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out. When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side thats been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.

When a man goes out to go in, the men who are ...


1 Comments, 44 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
luv2liku2nite2 54 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
Osama   2/16/2013

Guy goes into a bar, "Bartender I would like an Osama" Bartender says "What the hell is an Osama?" guy replies "2 shots and a splash"


0 Comments, 83 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
anal_boy 63 M
6 Articles
Score 0.0
Marooned   1/20/2013

A man was the only survivor of a shipwreck. He washed up on a desert island where he remained for 10 years living off coconuts and fish he could catch from the ocean. One day he looks out on the beach and a beautiful blond in a skin tight wetsuit is emerging out of the water. He thinks he must be halucinating. He rubs his eyes and pinches himself, but here she comes straight for him. She ...


0 Comments, 227 Views, 98 Votes ,7.79 Score
topman2004 60 M
16 Articles
Score 0.0
Other one up for the Scots!!   1/12/2013

Five Englishmen boarded a train just behind five Scots, who, as a group had only purchased one ticket. Just before the conductor came through, all the Scots piled into the toilet stall at the back of the car. As the conductor passed the stall, he knocked and called"Tickets, please!" and one of the Scots slid a ticket under the door. It was punched, pushed back under the door, and when it ...


0 Comments, 49 Views, 244 Votes ,7.59 Score
ind1210 41 M
4 Articles
Score 0.0
How to be a Really Obnoxious Dominant   1/10/2013

Insist that all Bondage play be done only with Silly string. For gagging, use Giant Super Sourball Bubble gum, found in Grocery vending machines. When your sub starts turning blue from too-tight bounds, tell them how it brings out the color of their eyes ... Make them embroider "This Ass Owned and operated by Mistress/Master (insert name here) on all of their work clothes. Flog your submissive... ...


0 Comments, 26 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
loquat51 66 M
12 Articles
Score 0.0
What's the difference......again   1/7/2013

What's the difference between a blowjob and anal sex ?









A blowjob will make your day, but anal sex will make your hole weak !


0 Comments, 95 Views, 7 Votes ,3.55 Score
charlenecd 63 T
3 Articles
Score 0.0
Little Johnnie learns about construction   1/5/2013

One day little Johnnie was being such at terror at home his mother suggested that he go out next door and watch them build the new house.

After several hours Johnnie returned home. His mother asked him what he learned.

He told her he watch them put up a door an started to describe in detail how to get the door into place.

First you put up the damn door ...


0 Comments, 84 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
SennaMU 47 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
Sexual harassment...   12/10/2012

Might be an old one, but I still think it's funny...

Girl comes to the boss saying her co-worker sexually harasses her every morning. "Why, what does he do?" the boss asks.

"Every morning he walks past me he tells me how good my hair smells."

Boss: "I'm not sure that this constitutes sexual harassment."

Girl: "He's a midget!"


0 Comments, 81 Views, 0 Votes
ShyBabyGrl 56 F
1 Article
Score 0.0
suck me dry   9/17/2012

You laid on my naked body and applied your mouth to me without guilt or humiliation. You drove me near crazy while you drained me. Today when I awoke, you were gone. I searched for you but to no avail. Only the sheets bore witness to last night's events. My body still bears marks of your ravishing, making it all the more difficult to forget you. Tonight, I will remain awake, waiting for you, you ...


1 Comments, 157 Views, 11 Votes ,2.42 Score
YourBoss20 43 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
Vacation   5/24/2012

A man returns from a vacation and talks to a friend. " They were really poor, outside a building I saw a woman with the writing 'blowjob for food' The friend asks if he did it " Are you crazy? Sticking my cock in the mouth of a starving womans mouth?"


0 Comments, 95 Views, 26 Votes ,4.54 Score
turner28 54 F
6 Articles
Score 0.0
Tech Support   3/18/2012

Subject: Tech Support issue Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software; severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In ...


1 Comments, 95 Views, 6 Votes ,4.50 Score
InderioMinx 54 F
3 Articles
Score 0.0
watch out for the old Ladies...   3/18/2012

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."

"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I ...



1 Comments, 150 Views, 14 Votes ,4.58 Score
ClimaxHer 65 M
6 Articles
Score 0.0
Dracula at Halloween   3/6/2012

Halloween is Dracula's favorite holiday. He loves used, dirty, bloody, soiled tampons. What does Dracula do with used tampons? Tea bags!


0 Comments, 47 Views, 0 Votes
ClimaxHer 65 M
6 Articles
Score 0.0
New drink "Bin Laden"   3/6/2012

The new drink "Bin Laden" is available. It's two straight shots, and a splash of water.


0 Comments, 77 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
willshare4fun 67 C
10 Articles
Score 0.0
what are you doing daddy?   3/2/2012

Little boy walks in adn sees his daddy looking down, putting on a condom. He asks what are you doing daddy? Father looks desperately around and says Looking for a mouse. Why, are you going to fuck it?


0 Comments, 221 Views, 6 Votes ,1.66 Score
ind1210 41 M
4 Articles
Score 0.0
Rejection by Dom   2/7/2012

Dear [____rejectee' s name here_____], Sir: I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as my perfect Master. As You are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as Yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that You may find ...


1 Comments, 63 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
aliasRJ 59 M
3 Articles
Score 0.0
A motorist was mailed a picture ..   11/10/2011

A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post. A $40 speeding ticket was included. <br> Being cute, he sent the police department .. a picture of two 20 dollar bills .. <br> A few days later he got another picture in the mail .. this one was of some handcuffs ...


0 Comments, 88 Views, 77 Votes ,4.04 Score
cc_curious1000 53 M
4 Articles
Score 0.0
Uses Of Vaseline   11/10/2011

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until, one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it. The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years. "Well, it's quite simple, really, " says the ...


2 Comments, 449 Views, 33 Votes ,7.19 Score
db780 65 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
drunk man   7/31/2011

An English joke A drunk man wins the jackpot on the fruit machine in his local pub, he is so drunk he can hardly pick up the 20pence coins scattered everywhere. The barman gives him a plastic bag and they both put all the coins in. He carries the heavy bag back home but on putting the key in the lock he drops the bag. He is too drunk to pick them up so he leaves them there and goes to bed. The ...


3 Comments, 117 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
PoetMeister 58 M
11 Articles
Score 0.0
Little Johnny   7/13/2011

Little Johnny was in class when the teacher asked the following question: "If there were 5 birds in a tree, and a farmer shot one, how many would be left?"

Little Johnny shot up his hand and responded "None". The teacher correcting him noted that 5 minus 1 equals 4. Johnny replied "But the other birds would have been scared by the gunshot and flew off". The teacher looked at Johnny ...


1 Comments, 197 Views, 8 Votes ,4.41 Score
2_cums_sub 66 F
8 Articles
Score 0.0
Only if it's raining   6/24/2011

A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

"Oh My God - Hurry! Grab your clothes, " she yelled to her lover. "And jump out the window. My husband's home early!"

I can't jump out the window!" came the strangled reply from beneath the sheets. "It's ...


3 Comments, 370 Views, 14 Votes ,5.70 Score
TomBonow 75 M
61 Articles
Score 0.0
Sexism in Bibical Times   6/5/2011

Man was walking in the Garden of Eden with God, and man said, ” God you are so much greater than I, couldn’t you make me somebody like myself as a playmate?” And God told Addam to go to sleep. So Addam went to sleep and God took Addams’s rib and made him Evea. Addam saw Evea when he woke up and they went off into a cave and had intercourse for a week solid. Then Addam turned to Evea and ...


0 Comments, 66 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
cwwfmw 63 C
4 Articles
Score 0.0
step on the bus   5/25/2011

>During the afternoon rush at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus.

>She was decked out in a tight leather miniskirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket.

>As the bus rolled to a stop, she got her place in line. When it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her enough slack to raise her leg high ...


0 Comments, 118 Views, 9 Votes ,4.07 Score
barryj43 80 M
24 Articles
Score 0.0
A fart   5/25/2011

A fart is a pleasant thing, It gives the belly ease, It warms the bed in winter, And suffocates the fleas.

A fart can be quiet, A fart can be loud, Some leave a powerful, Poisonous cloud

A fart can be short, Or a fart can be long, Some farts have been known To sound like a song......

A fart can create A most curious medley, A fart can be harmless, Or silent, and deadly. ...


0 Comments, 45 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
gondwngirl 35 F
1 Article
Score 0.0
11 husbands ....just had to share   5/1/2011

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom, "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

"Husband #2 was in ...


3 Comments, 341 Views, 13 Votes ,6.16 Score
alteridalterego 63 M
7 Articles
Score 0.0
Top Ten Secrets to a Bigger Wider Penis Guaranteed To Win The Praise of Alt Women Everywhere   2/25/2011

1. Buy better porn.

2. Go to the fun house.

3. Steal photos from the internet.

4. Strapons are available for men.

5. Take photography classes and buy a wide angle lens.

6. Bribe the optometrist next time you take her for new eyeglasses.

7. Perfect the sly cell camera shot so next time you’re in the locker room you can capture the one you ...


1 Comments, 87 Views, 7 Votes ,3.80 Score
lickittyclit719 39 M
8 Articles
Score 0.0
Intercom System   2/21/2011

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight, the guy starts feeling a little horny.

With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her,


2 Comments, 65 Views, 4 Votes
BF_Material82 41 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
Attorneys   2/21/2011

__________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you ...


2 Comments, 79 Views, 9 Votes ,4.49 Score
mpc77 38 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
Spacewoman!   12/11/2010

Q. Why haven't we put a woman on the moon? A. Because it doesn't need cleaning!


0 Comments, 12 Views, 2 Votes
lickittyclit719 39 M
8 Articles
Score 0.0
The Chili At A Diner   11/20/2010

A man goes into a cafe and sits down. A waitress comes to take his order, and he asks her,


2 Comments, 114 Views, 5 Votes
ind610 41 M
9 Articles
Score 0.0
The perfect day - Her and His versions of   11/12/2010

the perfect day - her and his versions of

The Perfect Day - Her

8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses 9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale 9:30 Light Breakfast 11:00 Sunbathe 12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe 1:45 Shopping 2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex and notice she's gained 30 lbs 3:00 Facial, massage, nap 7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing 10:00 Make love ...


1 Comments, 70 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
broomeboy 61 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
golf   11/12/2010

A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.'

So the couple walked up to the house and ...


2 Comments, 182 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
dommaster99 66 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
This will make you smile   11/9/2010

One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and dies.

He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here, " says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a few folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them ...


1 Comments, 89 Views, 0 Votes
evil_minion 34 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
sicktionary   11/8/2010

1. gmail - a chainmail in the form of a gstring. wearing it makes you look like you have been given a wedgie while you are wearing a metallic gstring. its also the name of the mail service provided by google

2. iPiss - latest in apple mobile technology, includes a portable urinal where u can piss on the go. its also filipino for


2 Comments, 18 Views, 0 Votes
MsSwanger 35 F
45 Articles
Score 0.0
Celery Spankin !!   10/3/2010

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.

She says hello.

He's rather taken back because he can't place where he knows her from.

So he says, "Do you know me?"

To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my ."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and ...



2 Comments, 258 Views, 14 Votes ,6.50 Score
Hard2LoveNurse 65 F
8 Articles
Score 0.0
The Polite way to PEE!!   10/3/2010

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. ...


1 Comments, 227 Views, 13 Votes ,5.32 Score
2Bkinkie005 55 M
7 Articles
Score 0.0
A redneck meets Jesus   10/2/2010

A bartender was washing glasses one afternoon when an elderly Irishman came in.

With great difficulty, the Irishman hoisted his bad leg over the barstool, pulled himself up painfully, and asked for a sip of Irish whiskey.

The Irishman looked down the bar and said, "Is that Jesus down there?" The bartender nodded, so the Irishman told him to give Jesus an Irish whiskey, too. ...


3 Comments, 274 Views, 20 Votes ,5.81 Score
Doogiesassman 56 C
1 Article
Score 0.0
Thank you for calleing me a bitch   9/30/2010

Does A/anyone know what a bitch truly is???

B eautiful

I ntellligent

T houghtful

C harming

H orny hope that clears things up

respectfully submitted by Master Doogiesassman's girl soveh


1 Comments, 47 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
SirGalahad1 67 M
7 Articles
Score 0.0
No sex since 1955   9/30/2010

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a Local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is Something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature." ...


0 Comments, 205 Views, 9 Votes ,4.49 Score
ind610 41 M
9 Articles
Score 0.0
Excuse Me Sir, Your Fly Is Unzipped   9/2/2010

Excuse Me Sir, Your Fly Is Unzipped

1. "The cucumber has left the salad."



2. "Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out."



3. "Your soldier ain't so unknown now."





4. "Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells."



5. "Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!"

...


0 Comments, 62 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
loquat51 66 M
12 Articles
Score 0.0
Sheep   7/8/2010

One sunny day I was driving through the countryside when I spotted a naked man in a field. He was stood up, holding a sheep by its back legs, and positioned between them.

I wound down the car window and shouted to him, "Are you shearing that sheep?".

To which he replied, "No, fuck off and find your own sheep".


0 Comments, 210 Views, 7 Votes ,2.53 Score
Sumthing_Lacking 34 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
Few jokes for a few giggles.   6/17/2010

The big bad wolf said: "I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!" The little pig replies: "Fuck off or I'll sneeze on you!"



What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I dont know and I dont care.



A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old . ...


2 Comments, 164 Views, 10 Votes ,4.58 Score
DocEnema 75 M
4 Articles
Score 0.0
The Gorilla Joke   4/8/2010

Quite some years ago, a rich hunter paid an extravagant amount for a safari in Africa, the object of which was to hunt the great Mountain Gorilla. The outfitter equipped him with a huge native guide, Nagumba, and an even huger brindled hunting dog. After Nagumba watched the hunter carefully sight in his rifle, the three headed for the bush, in gorilla territory.

The first day, they ...


1 Comments, 102 Views, 9 Votes ,4.07 Score
2_cums_sub 66 F
8 Articles
Score 0.0
Father and bonding   3/23/2010

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old .

They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?". To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, . Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see.", replied the boy, pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a ...


4 Comments, 377 Views, 17 Votes ,6.52 Score
2_cums_sub 66 F
8 Articles
Score 0.0
Riddle me this....   1/27/2010

Riddle Me This....

Here's a little something to get you thinking. The answers are below, but give each a chance before looking. NO CHEATING!

Riddles:

1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?

2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. ...


1 Comments, 254 Views, 9 Votes ,4.71 Score
2_cums_sub 66 F
8 Articles
Score 0.0
Italian Bread   1/15/2010

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy. The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat Italian bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ...


1 Comments, 209 Views, 8 Votes ,4.41 Score
MistressSaige 56 F
1 Article
Score 0.0
Barbie   11/20/2009

I was reading blogs this morning and came across this and just had to share. Thank you

1subtle_kitten

for a good morning belly laugh.



One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his 's birthday. He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, "How much for one of those Barbies in the display ...


3 Comments, 204 Views, 17 Votes ,5.39 Score
2_cums_sub 66 F
8 Articles
Score 0.0
Backseat   11/10/2009

A guy and a gal were in the backseat of his car after having sex. The guy says to the gal, "If I would have known you were a virgin I would have taken more time." The gal replies, "Hell, if I'd a known you had more time, I'd a taken off my pantyhose."


1 Comments, 286 Views, 7 Votes ,3.80 Score
SEGENNY 62 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
DECISION   7/30/2009

A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but..... something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your penis was chopped off in the wreck and we were ...


0 Comments, 236 Views, 8 Votes ,4.41 Score
DEMONLORD00 66 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
Penis Study   6/15/2009

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a mans' penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over $1.2 million. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex. After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same ...


0 Comments, 196 Views, 21 Votes ,6.34 Score
Vinzenzo 59 M
3 Articles
Score 0.0
The perfect shoes   3/22/2009

A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on vacation. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my ...


1 Comments, 59 Views, 6 Votes ,2.80 Score
2Bkinkie005 55 M
7 Articles
Score 0.0
$7 sex   3/21/2009

A Florida couple in their 80's went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?' The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse? ' The doctor raises both eyebrows, But he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have ...


1 Comments, 169 Views, 16 Votes ,5.63 Score
loquat51 66 M
12 Articles
Score 0.0
Honeymoon Breakfast   3/13/2009

Three newlywed couples were on their honeymoon and staying in a packed hotel. As a result of the hotel being full, all the tables in the restaurant were quite tightly packed together for the breakfast service.

The three newlyweds are sat at tables very close to each other, and their conversations can easily be overheard by each other.

One couple from the north east, who are ...


1 Comments, 184 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
loquat51 66 M
12 Articles
Score 0.0
Nuts   3/12/2009

Q - What do you call nuts on a wall ?





A - Walnuts ! _____

Q - What do you call nuts on a chest ?

A - Chestnuts ! _____

Q - What do you call nuts on a chin ?

A - Blowjob !


1 Comments, 106 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
2Bkinkie005 55 M
7 Articles
Score 0.0
To fascinate   3/7/2009

A teacher asks her class if anyone can use the word fascinate in a sentence. Brian raises his hand and says, "The sky is fascinating."

The teacher says, "No that's fascinating."

Jennifer raises her hand and says, "When I saw the tigers at the zoo I was fascinated."

The teacher says, "No that's fascinated."

So finally Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "My ...


0 Comments, 126 Views, 6 Votes ,2.80 Score
2Bkinkie005 55 M
7 Articles
Score 0.0
Home remedies   3/5/2009

Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop.

Avoid arguments with the Mrs. About lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm ...


0 Comments, 68 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
DocEnema 75 M
4 Articles
Score 0.0
The Episcapalean Nuns   2/23/2009

One afternoon there was a terrible crash involving a church bus, and three female passengers arrived at the Pearly Gates together. When Saint Peter asked them if they were religious, they assured him that they were good Episcapaleans. When he asked their profession, they told him they were nuns.

Saint Peter asked them to wait, while he conferred with the Bossman. He told God about the ...


1 Comments, 136 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
2Bkinkie005 55 M
7 Articles
Score 0.0
Things that happen for a colonoscopy   2/7/2009

ABOUT THE WRITER

Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.





This is from news hound Dave Barry's colonoscopy journal:

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears ...


1 Comments, 103 Views, 12 Votes ,5.27 Score
ButtSmacker2 112 M
4 Articles
Score 0.0
What did one sperm say to the other?   2/6/2009

"Quit swimming, it's a blow job!!


0 Comments, 82 Views, 6 Votes ,2.80 Score
Richjames 40 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
worse jokes ever   1/30/2009

whats your favourite bad jokes?? the ones you cant help but laugh at because they are so bad here are mine:

a fish swims into a wall damn! a guy walks into a bar ouch! man walks into the pub with a piece of concrete he says to the barman one for me and one for the road



yep there bad but i love them!!


3 Comments, 94 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
domcouple11 49 C
12 Articles
Score 0.0
DOMCOUPLE   10/22/2008

JOKES IN YOU SLAVE!


0 Comments, 160 Views, 10 Votes ,1.00 Score
anastacia14 40 F
5 Articles
Score 0.0
Bitch is a bitch   8/30/2008

hmm...where do i start... My friend Mairita...Shees a really fuckin bitch...In the school she slept with our Leiter 5 times!!! I don't think, that she's an engel....so, what should i do???write me...my e-mail is ALT.com I'll wait...


2 Comments, 258 Views, 0 Votes
stilldrpping 58 M
13 Articles
Score 0.0
SING IT GIRLS!!!   7/30/2008

At first I was afraid, I was petrified. When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died! But Id spent so many years just waiting for a man that long, that I grew strong, and I knew that I could take you on. But there you are, another lie. I was ready for a Big Mac and you brought me a french fry! I should of known that it was bullshit, just a sad pathetic dream should have known there was no ...


1 Comments, 106 Views, 7 Votes ,3.30 Score
spicysugar 49 F
1 Article
Score 0.0
Jesus Joke   7/18/2008

Jesus is walking around the streets of Bethlhem one day when he spots a mob. He wanders over and asks a guy standing on the fringe of the crowd what's going on. The guy points to the weeping woman standing at the front of the crowd and says "That woman has committed adultery and must be stoned to death." Jesus just can't tolerate this, so he runs up to the front of the crowd and screams ...


3 Comments, 240 Views, 19 Votes ,6.16 Score
stilldrpping 58 M
13 Articles
Score 0.0
TAKING A WOMAN TO BED   6/4/2008

What is the difference between girls/Woman aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78? At 8- You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 you tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28- You dont need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38- She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed. At 58- You stay in bed to avoid her story. At 68- If ...


1 Comments, 137 Views, 8 Votes ,4.17 Score
bindswat5 77 M
46 Articles
Score 0.0
Warning!   5/18/2008

There's a group of religious crackpots going around knocking on doors spreading their message.

They're telling everyone that brown bread is better than white bread.

Apparantly, they're from the Hovis Witnesses!


2 Comments, 104 Views, 6 Votes ,0.23 Score
bindswat5 77 M
46 Articles
Score 0.0
Sex in the lounge.   5/15/2008

Wifey came out of the kitchen and into the living room and said to her husband, "Come on, let's make love."

So they got down to it and after the critical moment had passed, the wife went back into the kitchen.

Her husband followed his wife into the kitchen and said, "Wow! That sure was something different and totally unexpected. You must have been feeling really horny." ...


1 Comments, 112 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
bindswat5 77 M
46 Articles
Score 0.0
Three Degrees   5/9/2008

What do you call The Three Degrees when they're feeling sexy? >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Wet Wet Wet


1 Comments, 67 Views, 3 Votes
bindswat5 77 M
46 Articles
Score 0.0
Hide and Seek   5/7/2008

What do men have in common with Hide and Seek and love making? >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> After about a minute they shout out, "I'm comming ready or not!"


0 Comments, 59 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
bindswat5 77 M
46 Articles
Score 0.0
6 months left to live.   4/22/2008

A couple were at the doctors.

The husband had been undergoing a series of tests and it was now the time for the Doctor to give the results.

The Doctor says, "I'm sorry to inform you but your condition is very grave. In fact it's terminal and you've only got six months left to live."

The husband crumbled and was obviously very distressed and started crying.

His ...


3 Comments, 136 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
bindswat5 77 M
46 Articles
Score 0.0
Albert & Anes   4/22/2008

Albert & Agnes were an "item" at the old folks where they lived.

Every morning Agnes would go into Albert's room where Albert would be lying on top of his bed waiting her arrival. She would sit beside his bed and hold onto his penis while they chatted about things.

The staff at the home knew this was going on but left them to it as it kept them both occupied.

However, ...


0 Comments, 94 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
bindswat5 77 M
46 Articles
Score 0.0
Scousers   4/22/2008

Why are the Scousers always depressed? > > > > > > > > >: > > > > The light at the end of the tunnel is Birkenhead!


0 Comments, 62 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
bindswat5 77 M
46 Articles
Score 0.0
Last Hours   4/21/2008

An old boy was lying on his deathbed nearing his end. His time was measured in hours not days. As he lay, the smell of fresh baked cookies that his wife was making wafted upstairs. He so desparately wanted one more of his wife's cookies before his end came, and so, summoning all his strength he pulled himself out of his sick-bed, crawled across the bedroom floor and slithered down the stairs to ...


0 Comments, 96 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
kad20072 43 M
179 Articles
Score 0.0
Housekeeper   3/22/2008

I married a housekeeper.



We got a divorce.



She kept the house!


0 Comments, 61 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
kycouple_2play 52 C
2 Articles
Score 0.0
What did you do all day?   3/17/2008

A man came home from work and found his three outside, still In their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty Food boxes and wrappers Strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was The front door to the house And there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding Into the entry, he found An even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked Over, and the throw rug was Wadded ...


1 Comments, 146 Views, 9 Votes ,5.35 Score
MasterDFs 72 M
18 Articles
Score 0.0
Oscar   3/16/2008

Oscar was new to the school, and it was his senior year.Oscar always found that people made fun of him, and it was ruff to fit in.He had a lot of physical changes that summer.So it was quite nice that by graduation time he was a big hit at school, or at least the girls.So it was no surprise when all the girls got up and started singing his now theme song when the principal called out "Mr. ...


0 Comments, 78 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
ken1958 66 M
12 Articles
Score 0.0
One man 3 drinks   1/30/2008

A stranger walks into a bar and asks for 3 shots of bourbon in single glass's.

He drinks all 3 very slowly pays and leaves.

This goes on for about 2 months, the barman says to him one night why do you not have all the drinks in one glass.

The strangaer says he is from a far away place, the 3 drinks are, one for himself, and the other 2 for his younger twin brothers, ...


0 Comments, 128 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
spankurbottom894 59 M
3 Articles
Score 0.0
doctor doctor   1/30/2008

A man goes to the doctors, he says `doctor I think ive broke my arm in several places` doctor says, `well dont go to them places then`


0 Comments, 54 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
spankurbottom894 59 M
3 Articles
Score 0.0
jonnyjoke   1/30/2008

two black guys chatting about condoms, one says, `whats the nipple on the end for`. the other says, `thats to put your foot on when your taking them off`

T


0 Comments, 64 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
bindswat5 77 M
46 Articles
Score 0.0
A very vain man   1/30/2008

A very vain man died and his widow was making the funeral arrangements. She was concerned that his toupe might become dislodge during the viewing at the chapel of rest before the funeral, and expressed such concerns to the undertaker. The undertaker re-assured the grieving widow by saying, "Don't worry madam, we'll make sure that his toupe will not become dislodged." All went well with both the ...


0 Comments, 100 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
ButtSmacker2 112 M
4 Articles
Score 0.0
BLOTCH TEST   1/26/2008

This guy goes to a phyciatrist, with the complaint of an ailment, the doctor proceeds to show several "ink blotches" and tells the man give his first impression of each, w/the first, the man says, "it reminds me of women's tits" the second one "looked like a women's ass, " the third blotch reminded him "of a pussy." the doctor said, "damm your'e sick." the patient's reply was, I'm sick, your'e ...


0 Comments, 139 Views, 7 Votes ,2.53 Score
ken1958 66 M
12 Articles
Score 0.0
in a bar   1/26/2008

A goes into a bar and orders a double bourbon, the bar man says " Whats with the long face " ?


0 Comments, 108 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
alteridalterego 63 M
7 Articles
Score 0.0
Proposed Definitions for Alt Checklist Fetishes   1/11/2008

Age Play – A rare form of role play where men try to act their age. It’s almost impossible to maintain more than very brief periods of time.

Ass Play - Engaging in conversation with certain personality types that rear their head.

Biting – An activity usually attributed to remarks some women exchange with one another.

Blood Play - The escalated result of said ...


0 Comments, 137 Views, 15 Votes ,5.58 Score
ken1958 66 M
12 Articles
Score 0.0
Nun in Bath   12/14/2007

A young novice nun is having a bath at the convent, there is a knock at the door, sh2 cries out in a fluster "Q who who is it ", a mans voice responds " Its the blind man from the village ". Thank good ness she thinks " come in ".

In he walks and says " Nice breasts which window do you want this blind fitted too "


1 Comments, 162 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
acidsea 54 M
125 Articles
Score 0.0
Tennis Elbow   12/12/2007

One day, John's tennis elbow was acting up and he decided to stop in and see a doctor. When he got to the doctor's office the nurse told him he could see the doctor in 15 minutes but, first he'd have to give a urine sample. John said that this was absurd but, the nurse insisted and John complied. 15 minutes later, John was ushered in to see the doctor.

"So that tennis elbow is really ...


2 Comments, 151 Views, 7 Votes ,3.80 Score
ButtSmacker2 112 M
4 Articles
Score 0.0
A BAD DAY AT THE PARK   11/21/2007

A guy was walkin through the park, when he came across a stranger with his ear pressed against a tree while he was hugging the tree with his arms. So he asked "whatcha doin, " the first guy's reply was I'm listening to the music the tree is makeing. wanna try it?" The second guy says "sure". He no sooner gets his arms around the tree, when the stranger slaps a pair of handcuffs on both of his ...


2 Comments, 193 Views, 12 Votes ,5.45 Score
firmhandsanity 58 M
11 Articles
Score 0.0
Stupid joke   11/17/2007

Why did the shetland pony lose his voice?



He was a little hoarse!


0 Comments, 56 Views, 4 Votes
acidsea 54 M
125 Articles
Score 0.0
a laugh does a body good   11/12/2007

During a good manners and etiquette class being held for young , the teacher says to her students:

“If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her?”

Mike replies: “Wait a minute, I’m going for a piss.”

The teacher says: “That would be very rude and ...


1 Comments, 121 Views, 8 Votes ,5.10 Score
ken1958 66 M
12 Articles
Score 0.0
Sex in Alaska   11/7/2007

Two guys meet for the first time at LA airport, they have both just got divorved.

Over a few drinks they agree they will goto Alaska to get away from everything and start a fresh.

They get to Alaska, and visit a store where they tell the store keeper they wante enough supplies for 2 men for a full 12 months. He tells them to come back in 2 days. When they return they pick up the ...


2 Comments, 196 Views, 12 Votes ,2.27 Score
zennflower 61 F
10 Articles
Score 0.0
Bovine Chaos...Udder Madness...you have a cow and add one more.....   11/1/2007

SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the ...


4 Comments, 182 Views, 14 Votes ,5.06 Score
Terminus3 66 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
a blonde joke   10/15/2007

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. >> >> >>I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." >> >> >>Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" >> >> >>The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." >> >> >>Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in ...


0 Comments, 94 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
bindswat5 77 M
46 Articles
Score 0.0
Dubya   9/29/2007

I've posted this one before, but it's still funny.



Donald Rumsfeld is giving President Bush his daily briefing on the Iraq war.

He concludes by saying, "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"Oh no!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head ...


0 Comments, 116 Views, 14 Votes ,5.38 Score
firmhandsanity 58 M
11 Articles
Score 0.0
Stupid joke   9/15/2007

What is the technical term for a lesbian sex change operation?

A Strapadicktomy!


0 Comments, 102 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
fistmypussy 63 F
2 Articles
Score 0.0
smaller lips   9/11/2007

One day a lady goes to the cosmetic surgeon and says she'd like to have a labia reduction. She tells the doctor she'd like to keep it VERY private. The doctor assures her all procedures are confidential and he won't tell a soul. Immediately following the successful operation, the lady wakes up to find 3 roses at the foot of her bed. She presses the button to summon the doctor and tells ...


1 Comments, 388 Views, 21 Votes ,4.73 Score
scooter200063 60 M
55 Articles
Score 0.0
crude sex joke   9/7/2007

Q What do a Rubix and a penis have in common? A The longer you play with them, the harder they get!


1 Comments, 90 Views, 6 Votes ,5.36 Score
bindswat5 77 M
46 Articles
Score 0.0
QANTAS   8/28/2007

Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet, " which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then ...


1 Comments, 66 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
bindswat5 77 M
46 Articles
Score 0.0
I pinched this one from AdultFriendFinder   8/19/2007

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock at the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's 3:30 in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time, " he thinks, and rolls over.



Then a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing ...


0 Comments, 196 Views, 7 Votes ,3.30 Score
martina2002 53 T
2 Articles
Score 0.0
Johns Tale. Does tell !   8/16/2007

take our average friend here. Well, He's constantly filled with inner desires, he could never tell a soul. But, as have us all. He, meets a friend. One acquainted with others. Johnie's jumps at the chance! Forced Feminization "he doesn't question how the Fem. Servile training is taught!Later in a brief phone call, already being called janie just talking on the phone. But, our friend all ...


2 Comments, 145 Views, 1 Votes
S_she_S 54 F
36 Articles
Score 0.0
Top 10 Rejected Valentines Day Cards   8/8/2007

>10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk >But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk. <br> >9. Our love will never become cold and hollow >Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow. <br> >8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store >In hopes that, later, you'd be my . <br> >7. This feels so good, it feels so right ...


3 Comments, 277 Views, 21 Votes ,4.73 Score
scooter200063 60 M
55 Articles
Score 0.0
Blonde joke   7/29/2007

Out on A Limb A blonde, brunette, and redhead are hanging out on a limb of a cliff As the limb begins to give away the brunette says, "One of us is going to have to let go or we will all die." The ...


0 Comments, 80 Views, 4 Votes ,5.19 Score
scooter200063 60 M
55 Articles
Score 0.0
Blonde joke   7/28/2007

A couple of blondes were driving through Louisiana when they came to a sign that told them they were almost to Natchitoches. They argued all the way there about how to pronounce the name of the town. Finally they stopped for lunch. after gettingtheir food, one of the blondes said to the cashier, "Can you settle an argument for us? Very Slowly, tell us where we are" ...


1 Comments, 157 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
UCanBMyToy 65 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
These cross a line...   7/28/2007

Q. What's the best part of having sex with six year olds?
A. They're six.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Q. Whats the best part of having sex with twentytwo year olds?
A. There's twenty of 'em.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Q. What's the best part about having sex with ten year olds in the shower?
A. They look eight when their hair's ...


4 Comments, 141 Views, 11 Votes ,0.55 Score
bindswat5 77 M
46 Articles
Score 0.0
Scousers!   7/28/2007

Scousers Vs Manks

One morning, years ago, three Scousers and three Manks were in a ticket counter line at a train station. The three Manks each bought a ticket and watched as the three Scousers bought just one ticket.

"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one of the Manks.

"Watch and learn, " answered one of the Scousers.

All six ...


1 Comments, 129 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
scooter200063 60 M
55 Articles
Score 0.0
Crude jokes   6/30/2007

Q How do you know when you are getting old? A When you start having dry dreams and wet farts!


0 Comments, 88 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
scooter200063 60 M
55 Articles
Score 0.0
Crude joke   6/30/2007

Q What is better than a cold bud? A A Warm bush!


0 Comments, 118 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
scooter200063 60 M
55 Articles
Score 0.0
Why are hunters such great lovers   6/25/2007

Q: Why are hunters such great lovers in bed? A: Because they go deep in the bush, shoot twice and eat everything they shoot?


0 Comments, 177 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
_monster 56 F
7 Articles
Score 0.0
shaking out a rug....   5/24/2007

a woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condo when a sudden gust of wind blew the rug and the woman over the rail. "god that was stupid" she thought as she fell "what a way to die" she thought as she passed the 14th floor a mam reached and caught her "Do you fuck?" he asked.. "Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself..he dropped her as she ...


1 Comments, 98 Views, 14 Votes ,3.78 Score
dona_maxima 52 F
1 Article
Score 0.0
The golden SHARK   5/24/2007

One day the fisherman, was out in sea and caught a golden shark. The shark then start begging the man to let it go and promised to grand him one wish. The fisherman already knew about the magic abilities of the golden fish, so he agreed to free the golden shark.

"OK now man, you better think hard about this wish, because it will be only one to be granted with" the golden shark said. ...


2 Comments, 208 Views, 16 Votes ,3.86 Score
c_ingifyor_the_1 66 F
60 Articles
Score 0.0
I Shall seek and find you   4/30/2007

I Shall seek and find you ... I shall take you to bed and control you... I will make you ache, shake and sweat until you grunt and groan.....
All my love
The Flu


1 Comments, 234 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
c_ingifyor_the_1 66 F
60 Articles
Score 0.0
The Experimental Drug   3/30/2007

** Cant take credit for this either found on another site...but well worth the long read**

"Doc, you've gotta help me! My wife just isn't interested in sex anymore. Haven't you got a pill or something I can give her?"

"Look, I can't prescribe..."

"Doc, we've been friends for years. Have you ever seen me this upset? I am desperate! I ...


1 Comments, 422 Views, 13 Votes ,5.16 Score
c_ingifyor_the_1 66 F
60 Articles
Score 0.0
An Octopus   3/30/2007

An octoupus walks into a bar and says " I can play ANY musical instrument you like".
An Englishman give him a guitar which he plays better than Jimmy Hendrix.
An Irishman gives him a piano to which he played better than Elton John.
A Scotsman walks over and throws him a set of bag pipes. The octopus fumbles about for a couple of minutes and the Scotsman says " Whats wrong- can ye ...


1 Comments, 269 Views, 13 Votes ,5.49 Score
UCanBMyToy 65 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
Jeffrey and Lorena   3/29/2007

Q. What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbit?



A. "Uhh, you gonna eat that?"


0 Comments, 52 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
c_ingifyor_the_1 66 F
60 Articles
Score 0.0
A Man comes home early   3/27/2007

A man comes home early and finds his wife in bed asleep. He lifts up the covers and works his way up to her pussy which he eats until she comes over his face. He slides out from under the cover and goes to wash his face, when he opens the bathroom door his wife is sitting in the bath shaving her legs.... "What the fuck are you doing in here" he asks......
ssssssh says his wife you will wake ...


1 Comments, 172 Views, 11 Votes ,5.22 Score
c_ingifyor_the_1 66 F
60 Articles
Score 0.0
A New style of vibrator   3/25/2007

A new vibrator just out for women is so realistic that just before she reaches her climax it cums, coughs, farts, goes limp and then switches itself off !!!


6 Comments, 405 Views, 14 Votes ,3.78 Score
StuddedSonu 52 M
88 Articles
Score 0.0
Sex Problems   3/21/2007

A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having severe problems with his sex life. The psychiatrist asked him a lot of questions, but he couldn't get a clear picture of the problems. Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your girlfriend's face while you're having sex?"
"Well, yes, I did once."
"And how did she look?"
"Oh boy, she looked very angry!"
At this point the ...


0 Comments, 128 Views, 8 Votes ,2.78 Score
tazdawg46 54 M
41 Articles
Score 0.0
church bells   3/20/2007

A 80 year old man died at home sunday morning. A young woman in their church goes by to pay her respects. She asked how he died and the old woman said "he had a heart attack and died while we were having sex" "How awful" the young woman says "but, ain't that kinda asking for it at your age?"
She smiled and said"oh well we thought about that and he came up with the idea of having sex when ...


0 Comments, 92 Views, 8 Votes ,3.94 Score
c_ingifyor_the_1 66 F
60 Articles
Score 0.0
College Student   3/19/2007

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I ...


1 Comments, 290 Views, 16 Votes ,5.04 Score
numseslikker 48 M
3 Articles
Score 0.0
Whats the difference...   3/15/2007

between chess and sex?


4 Comments, 228 Views, 9 Votes ,0.43 Score
Im2Bkinkie 55 M
6 Articles
Score 0.0
A Thief, Jesus and Moses   3/4/2007

While a thief was robbing a house late at night he heard something say, "Jesus is watching you." The thief shinned his flashlight around the room to see a Parrot in a cage. The thief asked, "Are you Jesus." To which the parrot replied, "Ohhhh no, I'm Moses. Jesus is the Pit Bull who is watching you."


0 Comments, 155 Views, 14 Votes ,5.06 Score
Lady_Gatta 58 F
55 Articles
Score 0.0
Italian American Joke   2/18/2007

> > > > > >A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in > an > > >animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at > > >first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men > > >say the > > >following: > > > > > >"Emma come first. Den I ...


1 Comments, 134 Views, 15 Votes ,6.50 Score
Oregon_Jan 46 F
68 Articles
Score 0.0
Getting old   2/16/2007

"I've sure gotten old, " Grandpa said. "I've had two by-pass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take forty different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts with dementia, poor circulation, and can hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't ...


4 Comments, 286 Views, 20 Votes ,3.51 Score
Faithy252 56 F
66 Articles
Score 0.0
The Bus Stop   2/16/2007

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight mini skirt was waiting for a bus. <br> As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip ...


2 Comments, 166 Views, 14 Votes ,5.22 Score
c_ingifyor_the_1 66 F
60 Articles
Score 0.0
Two Priests   2/14/2007

Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand , and heads back to the showers. He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way.
Having no ...


0 Comments, 281 Views, 14 Votes ,5.22 Score