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Rain... 8/27/2016
This old guy is having sex with this lady when all of a sudden
she hears the keys in the front door. She's says hurry
you need to get out quick. He doesn't have time so he
runs out the back door with his backpack. He is outside and
its rainning out. He notices some sort of running race so
he decides to blend in because the husband saw him running
out the back door. He gets in the middle of the ...
0 Comments,
45 Views,
0 Votes
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The Phone Call... 8/27/2016
A woman is having sex with her husband's best friend
when the phone rings. It's her husband's ringtone,
so she stops to pick it up. There's a big grin on her face as she talks to him. When
she puts in down, she turns to her lover. "Okay, " she says. "We have lots of time
to fuck. My husband's out, playing pool with you."
0 Comments,
40 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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Why and What... 8/26/2016
Q. Why is air a lot like s.e.x? A. Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting
any.
Q. What is the difference between "Oooh!" and
"Aaah!"? A. About three inches.
0 Comments,
14 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Watch what you ask for 8/24/2016
Watch what you ask for
A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places
the bag on the counter.
The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag.
The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about
one foot high and sets him on the counter. He reaches back
into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the
counter as well. He reaches ...
1 Comments,
38 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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He didn't pay attention... 8/22/2016
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate
to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her
hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed
her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see
your ticket, not your stub.'
0 Comments,
19 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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The Complment... 8/22/2016
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really
need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near
perfect.'
1 Comments,
19 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Smart ass answer... 8/22/2016
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's
final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses
for you not being here tomorrow. I might ht consider a nuclear
attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death
in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses
whatsoever!'
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and
asked, 'What would you say if ...
0 Comments,
33 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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How old guys pick up women 7/14/2016
The young man asked the senior citizen for tips on how to
pick up women.
The old gentleman explained...
I am getting on in years and not the best looking guy anymore.
Some would even say I'm a little frayed around the edges.
But, I have a nice car, a little money, and I spend most of
my time casually traveling from place to place and enjoying
life.
I met a nice ...
1 Comments,
55 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
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Oy-vay 6/18/2016
A guy turns to his wife in bed and whispers, "Did you
know it's National Orgasm Day?"
"Oh, what a pity, " she said, "Right in
the middle of National Headache Week."
2 Comments,
26 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
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Rye Bread, Or Is It Raisin???... 6/11/2016
There's Something About Rye Bread Or Is It Raisin?
Raisin Bread
A general store owner hires a young female clerk with a penchant
for very short skirts. One day a young man enters the store,
glances at the clerk, and glances at the loaves of bread
behind the counter. “I’d like some raisin bread, please, ”
the man says politely.
The clerk nods and climbs up a ladder ...
0 Comments,
56 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Sad Dick... 6/10/2016
A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is
nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's
a pussy, and his owner beats him.
2 Comments,
30 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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It's a Jungle... 6/10/2016
A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs.
She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom
calmly said: "That part where the hair has grown is
called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair."
the girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister: "My
monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiled and said:
"That’s nothing, mine is already eating bananas."
0 Comments,
27 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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Hard Times... 6/10/2016
Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they
decide that she’ll become a . She’s not quite
sure what to do, so Harry says, “Stand in front of that
bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks.
If you got a question, I’ll be parked around the corner.”
She’s standing there for 5 minutes when a guy pulls up
and asks, “How much?” She says, “A ...
0 Comments,
65 Views,
9 Votes
,4.92 Score
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OMG!!!.... Noooooooo!!! 6/9/2016
He's in trouble...
1 Comments,
137 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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Sleeping with Bob 6/5/2016
The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with
Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't
fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they
voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next
morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Bob
snored so loudly, ...
0 Comments,
45 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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Leather 6/3/2016
When a woman wears leather a man’s heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrational. Ever wonder why?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
? She smells like a new truck.
0 Comments,
16 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Potato 6/3/2016
Two little potatoes are standing on the street corner.
One is a .
How can you tell which one is the ?
You're gonna love it...
It's the one with the little sticker that says...
I - DA - HO
0 Comments,
14 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Military Time... 6/3/2016
A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala
event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic liberal
ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very
serious man.. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by ...
0 Comments,
33 Views,
0 Votes
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Weird thoughts 5/30/2016
Everything is drive-through. In California they even
have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is
an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a moron.
The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they
would not be caught dead in otherwise.
Don’t spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it
to the ...
0 Comments,
24 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Normal vs. Straight?? 5/20/2016
Ed and Ted were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory
when Ed glanced over and noticed that Ted's penis was
twisted like a corkscrew.
"Blimey, " Ed said. "I've never
seen one like that before."
"Like what?" Ted said.
"All twisted like a pigs tail, " Ed said.
"Well what's yours like?" Ted said.
"Well straight like normal, " Ed said.
"I ...
0 Comments,
32 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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Bubba and thr toilet brush... 5/9/2016
Bubba and the Toilet Brush
One day when Bubba and Billy Bob were in the Little Rock -
Wal-Mart, they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle.
They each bought five tickets at a dollar a pop. The following
week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize.
Billy Bob won 1st place - a year's supply of gourmet
spaghetti sauce and extra long spaghetti.
Bubba won ...
1 Comments,
40 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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All in a name.. 5/9/2016
All in a name A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session
with four young mothers and their small . 'You all have obsessions, he observed.'
To the first mother, Mary, he said, 'You are obsessed
with eating. You've even named your Candy.'
He turned to the second Mom, Ann, 'Your obsession
is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your 's
name, Penny.'
He ...
0 Comments,
46 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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A named SEX... 5/9/2016
Everybody who has a calls him "Rover" or
"Boy". I call my dog "Sex".
Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to
get his license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license
for Sex. He said, "Id like to have one too." Then
I said, "But this is a dog." He said I didn't
care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't
understand, Ive had Sex since I was 9 years old." ...
0 Comments,
36 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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Joe and the motorcycle... 5/9/2016
Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn’t have much luck
until one day, he comes across a Harley with a ‘for sale’
sign on it.
The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is
10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.
He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it
in such great condition for 10 years.
‘Well, it’s quite ...
0 Comments,
32 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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A Gay Mans Least Favorite Candy 12/15/2015
What is a gay man's least favorite candy?
"Lick her ish!"
(original joke by suboralmn)
0 Comments,
22 Views,
7 Votes
,1.26 Score
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Out of Bounds... 11/15/2015
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for
all male students, and the male dormitory to the female
students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined
$20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the
second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time
will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
One student raised his hand and asked, "How much for
a season ...
1 Comments,
45 Views,
7 Votes
,2.79 Score
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The Statues... 11/13/2015
A statue of a naked woman and a naked man stand in a park at
night. Suddenly from out of nowhere, a magical genie arrives
and grants the statues each one wish to be fulfilled. Both
the female and male statues agree on 15 minutes as a real
man and woman in the bushes behind them to "get things
done." The genie gives a knowing grin and grants the
wish. The man and woman immediately jump behind the ...
2 Comments,
76 Views,
8 Votes
,2.55 Score
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Females Reign 11/13/2015
A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences
between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the
boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have
that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty
upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying.
A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her
face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy ...
0 Comments,
52 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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Muslim Logic 8/13/2015
A Muslim couple in Peckham Rye, preparing for their wedding,
meet the Mullah for counseling. The Mullah asks if they
have any last questions before they leave. The man asks, "We realize it's a tradition in
Islam for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women.
But, at our wedding reception, we'd like your permission
to dance together." "Absolutely not, " says the Mullah. "It's ...
0 Comments,
119 Views,
7 Votes
,0.49 Score
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Origin of the wood "Boob" 8/4/2015
Q: What is the origin of the word "Boob"? A: The "B" is the aerial view, the "oo"
is the front view, the "b" is the side view.
1 Comments,
26 Views,
5 Votes
,2.16 Score
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